Smoke Jokes / Recent Jokes
A little old lady wanted to join a motorcycle gang. She knocked on the door of the local biker club and a big, hairy, bearded guy with tattoos all over his arms answers the door.
"I want to join your biker club," she proclaims.
The amused biker told her that she needed to meet certain requirements before she was allowed to join. First he asks, "You have a bike?"
"Yeah," the little old lady says, pointing to a Harley parked in the driveway. "That's my Harley over there."
"Hmmm," the biker replies. "Do you smoke?"
"Yeah, I smoke," says the little old gal. "I smoke 4 packs of cigarettes a day and a couple of cigars while I'm shooting pool." The biker is impressed and asks, "Well, have you ever been picked up by the Fuzz?"
The little old lady thinks for a moment, then she says, "No,never been picked up by the fuzz. But I have been more...
The boy is smoking and leaving smoke rings into the air. The girl gets irritated with the smoke and says to her lover: "Can't you see the warning written on the cigarettes packet, smoking is injurious to health!" The boy replies back: "Darling, I am a programmer. We don't worry about warnings, we only worry about errors."
Once Prem Singh went to England. In the evening he went to attend a party given by Margaret Thatcher in a marvellous house. As he was passing through a gallery of that house, a guard stopped him and fined him with fifty pounds for smoking, as smoking was prohibited there. Prem Singh searched through his pocket but he had only a hundred pound note. So he asked his secretary, "Sharma, you smoke too."
As Stated By Women
1. First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it.
2. Extension to rule - So if you get one, be grateful.
3. I don't care WHAT they did in the porn video you saw, it is not standard practice to cum on someone's face.
4. Extension to rule -No, I DON'T have to swallow.
5. My ears are NOT handles.
6. Extension to rule - do not push on the top of my head. Last I heard, deep throat had been done. And additionally, do you really WANT puke on your dick?
7. I don't care HOW relaxed you get, it is NEVER OK to fart.
8. Having my period does not mean that it's hummer week- get it through your head - I'm bloated and I feel like shit so no, I don't feel particularly obligated to blow you just because YOU can't have sex right now.
9. Extension to - Blue Balls might have worked on high school girls- if you're that desperate, go jerk off and leave me alone with my more...
It was afternoon in the crowded cafeteria. The elderly matron sitting at the counter was obviously upset at the cigarette smoke of the young woman beside her. Finally the older woman could take it no longer. She turned to the girl and bellowed with a loud voice "Young lady, I would rather commit adultery than smoke!"
"So would I," quipped the girl, "but you know, there just isn't time enough during a coffee break."
1. Smoke a pipe and respond to each point the professor makes by waving it and saying, "Quite right, old bean!" 2. Wear X-Ray Specs. Every few minutes, ask the professor to focus the overhead projector. 3. Sit in the front row and spend the lecture filing your teeth into sharp points. 4. Sit in the front and color in your textbook. 5. When the professor calls your name in roll, respond "that's my name, don't wear it out!" 6. Introduce yourself to the class as the "master of the pan flute". 7. Give the professor a copy of The Watchtower. Ask him where his soul would go if he died tomorrow. 8. Wear earmuffs. Every few minutes, ask the professor to speak louder. 9. Leave permanent markers by the dry-erase board. 10. Squint thoughtfully while giving the professor strange looks. In the middle of lecture, tell him he looks familiar and ask whether he was ever in an episode of Starsky and Hutch.