Snake Jokes / Recent Jokes
ONE DAY A BOY WAS TAKING A SHOWER WITH HIS MOTHER AND HE SAYS ''MOMMY WHAT ARE THOSE''? SHE REPLIES..''OH THOSE ARE MY HEAD LIGHTS''THE BOY THEN AGAIN ASKS ''MOMMY WHATS THAT''? SHE THEN REPLIES ''OH THATS MY GARDEN'' THE BOY SAYS THANKS AND HOPS OUT OF THE SHOWER.
THE NEXT DAY THE BOY TAKES A SHOWER WITH HIS DAD.THE BOT THEN ASKS HIS DAD ''DADDY WHATS THAT''? THE FATHER REPLIES ''OH THATS MY SNAKE''THE BOY SAYS THANKS AND HOPS OUT OF THE SHOWER. THAT NIGHT THE BOY HAD A BAD DREAM SO HE WENT INTO HIS PARENTS ROOM SNEAKS UNDER THE SHEETS AND SAYS''MOMMY MOMMY QUICK TURN ON YOUR HEAND LIGHTS THERES A SNAKE IN YOUR GARDEN!!!
Name: "Expecteria Trouserius" (Trouser Snake)
Location: Throughout the world
Description: One-eyed, with mushroom-shaped head (other types come with extra
layers of skin). Varying from pink to black. Fang-less with a highly venomous
spit. (Spit can reach distances up to 2-3 feet) Size varies from 3 to 12
inches, depending on its mood & subspecies.
Symptoms: This snake attacks mainly women in the lower front abdomen,
resulting in an inconspicuous bump. Then a severe swelling followed by
excruciating pain after nine months. The attack is not usually fatal. Beware:
It has been known to attack men in the rear lower abdomen!
Habitat: Usually found in bedrooms, but has been known to appear in the most
unusual places.
Antidote: Various types of vaccine available for women. However, once the
venom is injected into the body only drastic measures will ensure complete
recovery. There is no known antidote for men.
What To Do more...
Why did the viper want to become a python? He got the coiling!
Q: What do you get when you cross a snake and a kangaroo?
A: A jump rope
Bob: Did you hear about the camper who was killed by a garter snake? Betty: Thats impossible. A garter snake is not poisonous. Bob: It doesnt have to be if it can make you jump off a cliff!
The greatest spectacle in sports, The Indy 500 (auto race) will be held next weekend. It is probably the single biggest party in the world (about 500,000 people attend). The race is almost secondary to the general debauchery that occurs. It seems like everyone shows up with a case of Budweiser and an attitude.
They allow spectators into the infield of the track, which is amazing since they can't see a single car the entire time. Those folks go just to party. There is one infamous area of the infield called the Snake Pit, where the motorcycle gangs hang out and cops don't even dare to go in alone.
Being from Indianapolis I have always gone to the race. Our family has the same seats in the stands every year, though I'm usually the only one who uses them. I've always taken my rowdy friends and had a good ole time.
This year, my wife has invited her parents to go with us. This will certainly put a big cramp in my race day style, so I created the following ripoff on Letterman's more...
There where two snakes talking. The 1st one said' Sidney, are we the type of snakes who wrap ourselves around our prey and squeeze and crush until they're dead? Or are we the type of snake who ambush our prey and bite them and they are poisoned?'. Then the second Snake says "Why do you ask?" The 1st one replies: "I just bit my lip!"