Snake Jokes / Recent Jokes

An old snake went to his doctor and told him, "Doc, I think I need something for my eyes. I don't seem to see very well nowadays."
The doctor fixed him up with a pair of glasses and told him to return in a couple of weeks for a check up.
When he returned two weeks later, the doctor asked him how his vision was since he had the new glasses.
"Great," replied the snake. "Only problem is, now I'm very depressed."
"Why are you depressed?" asked the doctor. "Didn't the glasses help?"
"Oh, the glasses are great, doc," replied the snake. "The problem is, when I got home with them, I realized I've been sleeping with a garden hose for the past couple of years."

Q: Why is it dangerous for a lawyer to walk onto a construction site when plumbers are working?
A: Because they might connect the drain line to the wrong suer.
If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?
Q: What do you have if three lawyers are buried up to their necks in cement?
A: Not enough cement.
Q: What do you get when you cross a lawyer with a demon from hell?
A: Another lawyer.
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change it, and one to kick the stool out from under him.
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: How many can you afford?
Q: What is the difference between a vulture and a lawyer?
A: The vulture eventually lets go.
Person 1: I'm beginning to think that my lawyer is too interested in making money. Person 2: Why do you say that? Person 1: Listen to this from his bill: 'For waking up more...

A Dravidian man falls asleep in a coconut grove. After a while a gigantic Kerala King Cobra slowly crawls along his legs & into his lungi (loin-cloth). Putting its head through an opening in front, the black serpent rises & spreads its fangs. Just as it is about to strike him in the face, the sleeping Dravidian man wakes up. Puzzled, he exclaims, "My horny South Indian King Cobra, I knew you were Big, Black & Dravidian! But from where did you get those bright green eyes ?"

One fine day, Nate the Snake was slithering through the forest when he came upon a level on a tree. The lever said "IF YOU PULL THIS LEVER, THE WORLD WILL END". Now, Nate was a curious fellow, but was smart enough to know not to pull the lever. So, he decided to make it his duty to stand by the lever and warn the other animals that came by of the danger, since he knew most of them weren't as smart.
The day wore on, and animal after animal came and went. Each one wanted to pull the lever, but Nate warned them of the danger.
Soon, the day drew to a close, and Nate began slithering toward his home, when an eighteen wheeler sped by, and upset an area of several large boulders that was very close to the tree.
One broke away, and began speeding toward the tree in such a way that it would hit the lever and end the world if it was not stopped. But no large animal was there to help, and Nate knew what he had to do.
Nate curled himself up into a tight little coil in more...

"Oh, please excuse me!" said the bunny. "I didn't mean to trip over you, but I'm blind and couldn't see you there."
"That's perfectly all right," replied the snake. "It was MY fault. I didn't mean to trip you, but I'm blind too, and I didn't see you coming. By the way, what kind of animal are you?"
"Well, I really don't know," said the bunny. "Since I'm blind, I've never seen myself. Perhaps you could examine me and then we'll both know?"So the snake felt the bunny all over and said, "Well, you're soft and cuddly; you have long silky ears, a fluffy little tail and a twitchy little nose... you must be a BUNNY RABBIT!" [The little blind bunny was so pleased at this that he danced with joy.] The bunny said, "I can't thank you enough. What kind of animal are you, sir?"
The snake said he didn't know, for the same reason. The bunny agreed to examine him, and when he finished the snake asked, more...