Snake Jokes / Recent Jokes
Q: What did the light bulb say to the switch?
A: You turn me on.
Q: Did adam and eve ever have a date?
A: No, but they dad an apple.
Q: What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?
A: Can I hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand?
Q: What did one snake say to the other snake?
A: Give me a little hug and a hiss, honey.
Knock, Knock,
Who's there?
Olive
Olive who?
Olive you!
Q: Who sends a thousand valentines cards signed "guess who"?
A: A divorce lawyer.
Q: What is the perfect breakup gift to give to someone for valentines day?
A: A copy of the book sex for dummies.
Q: What did the valentine card say to the stamp?
A: Stick with me and we'll go places!
A snake and a rabbit were racing along a pair of intersecting forest pathways one day, when they collided at the point where the pathways meet. They immediately began to argue with one another as to who was at fault for the mishap.
When the snake remarked that he had been blind since birth, and thus should be given additional leeway, the rabbit said that he, too, had been blind since birth. The two animals then forgot about the collision and began commiserating concerning the problems of being blind.
The snake said that his greatest regret was the loss of his identity. He had never been able to see his reflection in water, and for that reason did not know exactly what he looked like, or even what he was.
The rabbit declared that he had the same problem. Seeing a way that they could help each other, the rabbit proposed that one feel the other from head to toe, and then try to describe what the other animal was.
The snake agreed, and started more...
What did the mummy snake say to the crying baby snake? Stop crying and viper your nose.
A old snake goes to see his Doctor. "Doc, I need something for my eyes...can't see well these days". The Doc fixes him up with a pair of glasses and tells him to return in 2 weeks. The snake comes back in 2 weeks and tells the doctor he's very depressed. Doc says, "What's the problem...didn't the glasses help you?" "The glasses are fine doc, I just discovered I've been living with a water hose the past 2 years!"
Theres a rabit running through the jungle and he comes up to a giraffe smoking a spliff and says you dont wanna do that you wanna come out running with me get healthy after some hesitation the giraffe aggrees so there both running along and they come up to a snake doing lines of coke and the rabbit says you dont wanna do that shit you wanna come running get healthy so he says ye might as well so there all running allong and they come up to a lion doing smack and he turns to the lion and says you dont wanna be doing that shit you wanna come out running with all of us get healthy with this statement just put to him the lion just turns and beets up the rabbit the giraffe and snake are amazed that he just did it and they say to him why did you do that he says ive had enough of that cunt every time hes on pills he wants to go fucking running