Snake Jokes / Recent Jokes
Why did some snakes disobey Noah when he said "Go forth and multiply"? They couldnt, they were adders!
What would you get if you crossed a newborn snake with a basketball? A bouncing baby boa.
Once upon a time, there was a blind rabbit and blind snake, both living in the same neighborhood. One beautiful day, the blind rabbit was hopping happily down the path toward his home, when he bumped into someone. Apologizingprofusely he explained, "I am blind, and didn't see you there." "Perfectly all right," said the snake, "because I am blind, too, and did not see to step out of your way."
A conversation followed, gradually becoming more intimate, and finally the snake said, "This is the best conversation I have had with anyone for a long time. Would you mind if I felt you to see what you are like?" "Why, no," said the rabbit. "Go right ahead." So the snake wrapped himself around the rabbit and shuffled and snuggled his coils, and said, "MMMM! You're soft and warm and fuzzy and cuddly... and those ears!
You must be a rabbit." "Why, that's right!" said the rabbit. "May I feel you?" more...
A couple in Sweetwater, Texas had a lot of potted plants, and during a recent cold spell, the wife was bringing a lot of them indoors to protect them from a possible freeze. It turned out that a little green garden grass snake was hidden in one of the plants and when it had warmed up, it slithered out and the wife saw it go under the sofa. She let out a very loud scream.
The husband who was taking a shower ran out into the living room naked to see what the problem was. She told him there was a snake under the sofa. He got down on the floor on his hands and knees to look for it.
About that time the family dog came and cold-nosed him on the leg. He thought the snake had bitten him and he fainted. His wife thought he had a heart attack, so she called an ambulance. The attendants rushed in and loaded him on the stretcher and started carrying him out.
About that time the snake came out from under the sofa and the Emergency Medical Technician saw it and more...
Why wouldnt the snake go on the weighing maching? Because he had his own scales!
NAME: Trouser Snake (Expetirious Trouseris)
LOCATION; Throughout the world.
DESCRIPTION:
One eyed with mushroom-shaped head (others types may come with extra layers of skin)
*Varying from pink to black.
*Fang-less with a highly venomous spit (Spit can reach distances up to 2-3 feet).
*Size varies from 3 to 12 inches, depending on its mood & sub-species.
SYMPTOMS; This snake attacks mainly women in the lower front abdomen, resulting in an inconspicuous bump. Then a severe swelling followed by excruciating pain after nine months. The attack is not usually fatal.
*WARNING* BEWARE: It has been know to attack men in the lower abdomen!!!!!!!
HABITAT: Usually found in bedrooms. Likes dark damp caves. but has been known to appear in the most unusual places.
ANTIDOTE: Various types of vaccines are available for women. However once the venom is injected into the body only drastic more...
Q: What do you get when you cross a snake and a kangaroo? A:(A jump rope)"