Snake Jokes / Recent Jokes
Once upon a time, allegedly, in a nice little forest, there lived an orphaned bunny and an orphaned snake. By surprising coincidence both were blind from birth. One day, the bunny was hopping through the forest, and the snake was slithering through the forest, when the bunny tripped over the snake and fell down. This, of course, knocked the snake about quite a bit.
'Oh, my,' said the bunny, 'I'm terribly sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I've been blind since birth, so, I can't see where I'm going. In fact, since I'm also an orphan, I don't even know what I am.'
'It's quite OK,' replied the snake. 'Actually, my story is much the same as yours. I, too, have been blind since birth, and also never knew my mother. Tell you what, maybe I could slither all over you, and work out what you are, so at least you'll have that going for you.'
'Oh, that would be wonderful,' replied the bunny. So the snake slithered all over the bunny, and said, 'Well, you're covered with soft fur; you more...
When Noah's ark had finally come to a rest on top of mount Ararat, and when the waters had receded, Noah and his family - along with all the animals - left the ark, and God told them to be fruitful and multiply upon the earth.
But after all those months under deck on an overcrowded ark, none of the animals was in the mood for sex anymore.
Noah, who knew all too well what God could do in his wrath if his creatures were disobedient, got desperate.
So, he tore down one of the ark's masts, cut it into pieces, and built a table out of the logs. Then he told one of the snakes to perform a lascivious dance on top of the table and made all the other animals gather around it. After a while the snake's seductive moves showed an effect: One animal after the other started rocking in the rhythm of the snake's dance, and one after the other sneaked off with its mate to more private places... Finally, the dancing snake and her mate were all alone, and they too disappeared.
And more...
Hungry Snake Having arived at the edge of the river, the fisherman soon realized he had forgotten to bring any bait. Just then hehappened to see a little snake passing by who had caught a worm. The fisherman snatched up the snake and robbed him of his worm. Feeling sorry for the little snake with no lunch, he snatched him up again and poured a little beerdown his throat and went about his fishing. An hour or so later the fisherman felt a tug at his pantleg. Looking down, he saw the same snake with three more worms in his mouth...
Whats the best thing about deadly snakes? Theyve got poisonality!
What did the snake say when offered a piece of cheese? Thanks, Ill just have a sliver!
A young couple was touring southern Florida on their honeymoon and stopped at one of the rattlesnake farms along the road.
After seeing the sights, they engaged in small talk with the man that handled the snakes.
"Wow!" exclaimed the new bride. "You certainly have a dangerous job. Do you ever get bitten?"
"Yes, upon rare occasions," answered the handler.
"Well," she continued, "just what do you do when you're bitten by a snake?"
"I always carry a razor-sharp knife in my pocket, and as soon as I am bitten, I make deep criss-cross marks across the fang entry and then suck the poison from the wound."
"What, uh... what would happen if you were to accidentally sit on a rattler?" persisted the woman.
"Ma'am," answered the snake handler, "that will be the day I learn who my real friends are."
Why is it that if you give a child an encyclopedia, "lawyer" is always the third thing they look up? Because the first thing a child looks up is "dog." The second is "snake." And under snake, the encyclopedia says "See Lawyer."