Social Jokes / Recent Jokes

Astrology tells us about you and your future simply by your birthday. The Chinese Zodiac uses the year of your birth. Demographics tell us what you like, dislike, whom you vote for, what you buy and what you watch on television.
Well, the Corporate Zodiac goes a step further: simply by your job title, people will have you all figured out...
MARKETING: You are ambitious yet stupid. You chose a marketing degree to avoid having to study in college, concentrating instead on drinking and socializing - which is pretty much what your job responsibilities are now. Least compatible with Sales.
SALES: Laziest of all signs, often referred to as "marketing without a degree", you are also self-centered and paranoid. Unless someone calls you and begs you to take their money, you like to avoid contact with "customers" so you can "concentrate on the big picture". You seek admiration for your golf game throughout your life.
TECHNOLOGY: Unable to more...

You might be from a small town if:
1. You can name everyone you graduated with
2. You get a whiff of manure and think of home
3. You know what 4-H is
4. You ever went to "headlight parties"
5. You used to drag "main"
6. You said the 'f' word and your parents knew within the hour
7. You schedule parties around the schedule of different police officers, since you know which ones will bust you and which ones won't
8. You ever went cow-tipping
9. You have ever partied with a guy who is 25, has no job, but is the 'buyer' for all of the best parties
10. You have parties at the same guy's house
12. School gets cancelled for state sporting events
13. The town social events are their children's
14. You could never buy cigarettes because all the store clerks knew how old you were (and, if you were old enough, they'd tell your parents, anyhow)
15. When you did find someone old enough and brave enough to buy smokes, you more...

The nun was teaching social studies to a class of young girls. As their weekend homework, she told the girls to do a good deed and report back on Monday.On Monday morning, the first girl reported that she had bought food for a homeless person. A second girl was proud that she had seen someone drop a twenty dollar bill, and she had returned it to it's owner... Another girl had spent a few hours reading to a blind person...A group of four girls said they had helped an old lady cross the street...The teacher stopped them at that point. "That's very nice," said the teacher, "but why did it take four of you?""Well," said one of the four, "she didn't seem to want to cross the road too badly."

A retired gentleman went into the social security office to apply for Social Security benefits. After waiting in line a long time, he finally arrived at the counter. The woman behind the counter asked him for his drivers license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home. He told the woman that he was very sorry, but he seemed to have left his wallet at home.' Will I have to go home and come back now?' he asks. The woman says,' Unbutton your shirt.' So he opens his shirt revealing lots of curly silver hair. She says,' That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me,' and she processed his Social Security application. When he gets home, the man excitedly tells his wife about his experience at the Social Security office. His wife says,' You should have dropped your pants, you might have qualified for disability, too.'

A man came home from the Social Security Office. "Honey," he said to his wife, "I finally convinced them that I'm old enough to collect Social Security."
"How?" his wife asked. "Since the department of records in the small town you were born in was flooded, you can't get a copy of your birth certificate."
"I know," the man replied, "I just unbuttoned my shirt and showed them all the gray hairs on my chest. That convinced them that I'm old enough."
His wife retorted, "Then while you were at it, why didn't you whip out your pecker and get disability, too?!"

Kathy and Suzy are having a conversation during their lunch break.

Kathy asks, "So, Suzy, how's your sex life these days?"

Suzy replies, "Oh, you know. It's the usual, Social Security kind."

"Social Security?" Kathy asked quizzically.

"Yeah, you get a little each month, but it's not enough to live on."

WARNING! PLEASE READ IMMEDIATELY! THIS IS SERIOUS! If you get an envelope from a company called the Internal Revenue Service," DO NOT OPEN IT! This group operates a scam around this time every year. Their letter claims that you owe them money, which they will take and use to pay for the operation of essential functions of the United States government. This is untrue! The money the IRS collects is used to fund various inefficient and pointless social engineering projects. This organization has ties to another shady outfit called the Social Security Administration, who claim to take money from your regular paychecks and save it for your retirement. In truth, the SSA uses the money to pay for the same misguided make-work projects the IRS helps mastermind. These scam artists have bilked honest, hard working Americans out of billions of dollars. Don't be among them! FORWARD THIS MESSAGE TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW!