Socks Jokes / Recent Jokes

A young couple were on their honeymoon. The husband was sitting in the bathroom on the edge of the bathtub saying to himself, "Now how can I tell my wife that I've got really smelly feet and that my socks absolutely stink? I've managed to keep it from her while we were dating, but she's bound to find out sooner or later that my feet stink. Now how do I tell her?"Meanwhile, the wife was sitting in the bed saying to herself, "Now how do I tell my husband that I've got really bad breath? I've been very lucky to keep it from him while we were courting, but as soon as he's lived with me for a week, he's bound to find out. Now how do I tell him gently?"The husband finally plucks up enough courage to tell his wife and so he walks into the bedroom. He walks over to the bed, climbs over to his wife, puts his arm around her neck, moves his face very close to hers and says, "Darling, I've a confession to make."And she says, "So have I, love."To which he more...

Teacher: What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots!
Student: Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair just like that at home

I wish I knew who came up with this one! I skewers elements of the famous "San Francisco" culture...
Zelda and Jane were given a rottweiler at their commitment ceremony. If their dog needs to be walked two miles a day and they walk at a rate of 3/4 mile per hour, how much time will they spend discussing their relationship in public?
Michael has two abusive stepfathers and an alcoholic mother. If his self-esteem is reduced by 20% per dysfunctional parent, but Michael feels 3% better for every person he denigrates, how long will it take before he's ready to go home if 1 person walks by the cafe every 2 minutes?
Sanjeev has 7 piercings. If the likelihood of getting cellulitis on any given day is 10% per piercing, what is the likelihood Sanjeev will need to renew his erythromycin prescription during the next week?
Chad wants to take half a pound of pot to Orinda and sell it at a 20% profit. If it originally cost him $1,500 in food stamps, how much should Nicole more...

For years I badgered my mother with questions about whether Santa
Claus is a real person or not. Her answer was always "Well, you asked
for the presents and they came, didn't they?" I finally understood the
full meaning of her reply when I heard the definition of a virtual
device: "A software or hardware entity which responds to commands in a
manner indistinguishable from the real device." Mother was telling me
that Santa Claus is a virtual person (simulated by loving parents) who
responds to requests from children in a manner indistinguishable from the
real saint.
Mother also taught the IF... THEN... ELSE structure: "If it's
snowing, then put your boots on before you go to school; otherwise just
wear your shoes."
Mother explained the difference between batch and transaction processing:
"We'll wash the white clothes when we get enough of them to make a load, but
we'll wash these socks out right more...

I got up one morning and couldn`t find my socks, so I called Information. She said, "Hello, Information." I said, "I can`t find my socks." She said, "They`re behind the couch." And they were!

A successful, wealthy, bigshot city lawyer and a redneck got into a car wreck on a hot summer day. The lawyer got out of his BMW and the redneck got out of his pickup to survey the damage, and the redneck realized he was at fault...
"YOU STUPID HICK!" shouted the lawyer, looking with contemt at the redneck in his dirty overalls.
After looking over the handsome, impeccably dressed and dignified city lawyer in his $2, 000 navy blue pinstriped suit, carefully knotted red silk tie, starched white shirt, silver cufflinks and black dress shoes polished like mirrors, $1, 000 briefcase and hundred dollar haircut, the redneck walked back to his car, got out a bottle, and brought it back.
He handed it to the lawyer, and said, "Here, you look pretty shook up. I think you ought to take a nip of this. It'll steady your nerves.... IT'S HOMEMADE..."
The lawyer did, but was so angry about the wreck, he refused to speak. The redneck then said, "You still more...

Teacher: What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots!

Pappu: Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair just like that at home.