Soft Jokes / Recent Jokes
Say something soft and sweet to me. Dracula: Marshmallows, chocolate fudge cake...
Q: How many VMS heads does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: All of them, and they will all scream at you in unison and tell you that the only lightbulb you can use is a 100-watt soft white but you can use any 100-watt soft white as long as it's manufactured by DEC.
Once upon a time in a nice little forest, there lived an orphaned bunny and an orphaned snake. By a surprising coincidence, both were blind from birth. One day, the bunny was hopping through the forest, and the snake was slithering through the forest, when the bunny tripped over the snake and fell down. This, of course, knocked the snake about quite a bit."Oh, my," said the bunny, "I'm terribly sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I've been blind since birth, so I can't see where I'm going. In fact, since I'm also an orphan, I don't even know what I am.""It's quite OK," replied the snake. "Actually, my story is much the same as yours. I, too, have been blind since birth, and also never knew my mother. Tell you what, maybe I could slither all over you, and find out what you are, so at least you'll have that going for you.""Oh, that would be wonderful" replied the bunny. So the snake slithered all over the bunny, and said, "Well, more...
The sky was dark
the moon was high
all alone
just her and I
Her hair was so soft
Her eyes so blue
I knew just what
she wanted to do
her skin so soft
her legs so fine
I ran my fingers
down her spine
I didn't know how
But I tried my best
I started by placing
my hand on her breast
I remember my fear
My fast beating heart
but slowly she spread
her legs apart,
and when I did it
I felt no shame
and all at once
the white stuff came
At last it's finished
it's all over now
my first time ever
at milking a cow
The sky was dark, the moon was high;
All alone, just her and I.
Her hair was so soft; her eyes so blue,
I knew just what she wanted to do.
Her skin so soft; her legs so fine,
I ran my fingers down her spine.
I didn't know how, but I tried my best;
I started by placing my hands on her breast.
I remember my fear, my fast beating heart;
But slowly she spread her legs apart.
And when I did it I felt so shame;
All at once the white stuff came.
At last it's all finished; it's all over now,
My first time ever at milking a cow.
Sam and Abe, now in their eighties, first met in grade school. Their relationship now is playing cards, playing jokes and making bets.
One day Sam calls Abe and says "I bet you that mine is longer soft than yours is hard. A thousand dollars."
Abe replies "How can that be? If you know anything about biology you....
Sam interrupts "I called for a bet, not a lecture. Mine is longer soft than yours is hard... A thousand dollars... YES OR NO?"
Abe says, "OK OK I'll take that bet. How long is yours soft?"
Sam answers "Eleven years"