Sold Jokes / Recent Jokes

Dear diary, there just aren't enough hours in the day get everything done in the office. For example:
9:05
Attended meeting to discuss how far we've progressed since the last meeting. A decision was not forthcoming about exactly what we should be carrying forward to the next meeting. The date of the next meeting would be verified after consultation with all parties in attendance - individually - at their convenience.
10:00
Opened mail to discover minutes of a meeting that had absolutely no connection with my work whatsoever. Forwarded the minutes to my boss after entering unsolicited internal mail in relevant statistics column on monthly sheet.
10:30
Checked e-mail and found unsavory message, promising me a money back guarantee and improved circulation. Was helped back to my chair by colleague so that I was able to hit delete button and regain my composure.
11:00
Checked e-mail to find provisional dates for next meeting. Checked my calendar to find I more...

Horses may not be kept in bathtubs. By law, if a man promises to marry an unmarried woman, the marriage must take place.It is a capital offense to inadvertently kill someone while attempting suicide. Every adult male must bring a rifle to church on Sunday in order to ward off Indian attacks. When approaching a four way or blind intersection in a non-horse driven vehicle you must stop 100 ft from the intersection and discharge a firearm into the air to warn horse traffic. It is considered an offense to get a tattoo. Performing a U-turn within 1,000 feet of an intersection is illegal. Musical instruments may not be sold on Sunday. No work may be done on Sunday. An exception is that light bulbs may be sold. All schools must prepare a suitable program for Francis Willard Day. Dance halls may not operate on Sundays. Merchandise may not be sold within a half mile of a church unless fruit is being sold. A railroad my not remove itself from a town of more than five hundred people. Railroad more...

DOS Beer: Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to read the directions carefully before opening the can. Originally only came in an 8-oz. can, but now comes in a 16-oz. can. However, the can is divided into 8 compartments of 2 oz. each, which have to be accessed separately. Soon to be discontinued, although a lot of people are going to keep drinking it after it's no longer available.
Mac Beer: At first, came only a 16-oz. can, but now comes in a 32-oz. can. Considered by many to be a "light" beer. All the cans look identical. When you take one from the fridge, it opens itself. The ingredients list is not on the can. If you call to ask about the ingredients, you are told that "you don't need to know." A notice on the side reminds you to drag your empties to the trashcan.
Windows 3. 1 Beer: The world's most popular. Comes in a 16-oz. can that looks a lot like Mac Beer's. Requires that you already own a DOS Beer. Claims that it allows you more...

How did you do it?
Young David asked his rich grandfather, Paul, how he had made his money. Paul said, "Well, David, it was 1955, and I was down to my last five pence. I went to the local market and invested that five pence in a large apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten pence." "The next morning, I invested the ten pence in two large apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and I sold them at 5pm for twenty pence. I continued this system for a month. Then Grandma’s father died and left us two million pounds."

An Indian is calmly having his breakfast when an American, who is chewing gum, sits down beside him.The Indian ignores the American who begins to chat.
The American asks :'Do you eat the bread entirely?'
The Indian answers,'Of course!'
American: 'We do not .We only eat the inner part.The crust is put in a container and processed and transformed into flour and sold to India.'
The Indian says nothing.
The American continues,'Do you eat this jelly with the bread?'
Indian: 'Of course!'
American: 'We do not. We eat fresh fruits for breakfast and then put the seeds and peels into a container.Later it is processed and transformed to jelly and sold to India.'
The Indian finally asks,'And what do you do with the condoms after using them?'
American: 'We throw them away, of course!'
Indian: 'We do not. We keep them in containers, process them transform them into chewing gum and sell it to the United States.'

DOS Beer - Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to read the directions carefully before opening the can. Originally only came in an 8-oz. can, but now comes in a 16-oz. can. However, the can is divided into 8 compartments of 2 oz. each, which have to be accessed separately. Soon to be discontinued, although a lot of people are going to keep drinking it after it's no longer available.Mac Beer - At first, came only a 16-oz. can, but now comes in a 32-oz. can. Considered by many to be a "light" beer. All the cans look identical. When you take one from the fridge, it opens itself. The ingredients list is not on the can. If you call to ask about the ingredients, you are told that "you don't need to know." A notice on the side reminds you to drag your empties to the trashcan.Windows 3.1 Beer - The world's most popular. Comes in a 16-oz. can that looks a lot like Mac Beer's. Requires that you already own a DOS Beer. Claims that it allows you to drink more...

Love Marriage: Acceptance test possible you can try before you Buy.
Arranged Marriage: Product is sold on an as is where is basis. Product once sold will not be taken back!
Arranged Marriage is like Unix..boring n colorless... still extremely reliable n robust.
Love Marriage is like Windows, beautiful n seductive... yet one never knows when it will crash...