Solemn Jokes

I hate September. It was always back to school, so I had to be ready. It was back to homework, so I had to turn off the Yankees and study. It was my sister’s birthday and I had to be..um..nice. Yuk. But just in case that wasn’t bad enough, the Jewish holidays are here!

Oy friggin’ vey.

I hate these holidays. Like four days in synagogue. In case you were wondering, the services are partially in English and partially in Hebrew, but mostly suck. If you are comforted by being in a room of people with your religious background, love a good solemn pray, or can’t get enough of a cantor, who sounds as if he has infected sinuses, chanting in Hebrew for 4 HOURS (Some people go all day! I swear God leaves after an hour and a half), I guess you’ve come to the right place.

Personally, I find the Rabbi’s sermon fascinating. You see, no matter how much sleep I get the night before, when he starts that sermon, boom, I’m out cold. Fascinating. He’s like a more...

A man is struck by a bus on a busy street in New York City. He lies dying on the sidewalk as a crowd of on-lookers gathersaround. " A priest. Somebody get me a priest!" the man gasps. A policeman checks the crowd----no priest, no minister, no man of God of anykind. "A PRIEST, PLEASE!" the dying man says again. Then out of the crowd steps a little old man dressed shabbily and of at least eighty years of age.
" Mr. Policeman," says the man, " I'm not a priest. I'm not even a Catholic. But for fifty years now I've been living behind St. Elizabeth's Catholic Church on First Avenue, and every night I'm listening to the Catholic litany. Maybe I can be of some comfort to this man."
The policeman agrees and brings the octogenarian over to where the dying man lay.
He kneels down, leans over the injured man and says slowly in a solemn voice: " B-4. I-19. N-38. G-54. O-72..."

A religious young man who was trained to be preacher was dating
a gorgeous young girl and one day he happend to be in the country
side under a large tree haveing a picknic with his girl friend.
After while, he started kissing the girl and became lusty and
wanted to make love to her right under the tree; but he felt
gulity due to hisreligous traning and decided to pray & ask God for
his forgiveness, and yet make love.
The Young piously knelt on his knees and asked, " Farher above, Farther
above, let me have a go with my girl!"
All of a sudden a deep, solemn voice came down from the tree and the voice
said, " Son below, son below, you may have a go!"
The young man was so happy and he made passionate love to the
girl right under the tree.
After a while our hero got horney again, wanted to make love
again!
Again he decided to ask the God, just like the first time. Again,
he knelt down and more...