Solve Jokes / Recent Jokes
Customer: "Your sound card is defective and I want a new one." Tech Support: "What seems to be the problem?" Customer: "The balance is backwards. The left channel is coming out of the right speaker and the right channel is coming out the left. It's defective!" Tech Support: "You can solve the problem by moving the left speaker to the right side of the machine and vice versa." Customer: (sputter) (click) Tech Support: (snicker)
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I had been doing Tech Support for Hewlett-Packard's DeskJet division for about a month when I had a customer call with a problem I just couldn't solve. She could not print yellow. All the other colors would print fine, which truly baffled me because the only true colors are cyan, magenta, and yellow. For instance, green is a combination of cyan and yellow, but green printed fine.
Every color of the rainbow printed fine except for yellow. I had the customer change ink cartridges. I had the more...
Engineering is so trendy these days that everybody wants to be one. The word "engineer" is greatly
overused. If there's somebody in your life who you think is trying to pass as an engineer, give him
this test to discern the truth.
THE ENGINEER IDENTIFICATION TEST
You walk into a room and notice that a picture is hanging crooked. You...
1. Straighten it.
2. Ignore it.
3. Buy a CAD system and spend the next six months designing a solar-powered,
self-adjusting picture frame.
The correct answer is "C" but partial credit can be given to anybody who writes "It
depends." in the margin of the test or simply blames the whole stupid thing on "Marketing."
SOCIAL SKILLS - Engineers have different objectives when it comes to social interaction.
"Normal" people expect to accomplish several unrealistic things from social interaction:
stimulating and thought-provoking conversation, more...
A woman told her doctor she was so flat chested men had little interest in her. No one had even asked her for a date and she was getting desperate.
The doctor told her about a series of exercises that would help solve her problem. The only catch was they had to be done for 15 minutes every day without fail. She was to put her hands in her armpits and bend her elbows backwards as far as she could. This would enlarge her pectoral muscles and help solve her problem.
The doctor also said it would be good to exercise at the same time every day and would help maintain a certain rhythm if she repeated this little phrase while exercising, "I must, I must, I must increase my bust."
She opted to exercise at 2 p.m. each day and happened to be waiting for the bus at the designated time. While she was exercising and repeating the exercise phrase, she felt a tap on her shoulder and a man behind her asked if she knew what time it was.
She indicated it was 2:05 p.m. and he more...
The computer was born to solve problems that did not exist before. — Bill Gates
The Japanese people are said to have a great interest in Western things, especially those from the United States. This can be used to our strategic advantage to help solve our trade deficit with Japan.
We need to export TV shows like ``Perry Mason'' and ``LA Law'' and ensure that they are widely broadcasted. Once their children grow up wanting to become lawyers they are finished!
Q: Know how to solve the Serbian/Bosnian problem in less than 48 hours? A: Put Janet Reno in charge.
In recent months, we have heard the Japanese call the US workers lazy, greedy and illiterate. Those are fighting words to us, even if they may be true. The question is what to do about it. My basketball coach always told me to exploit the weakness of the opposition by using what (questionable) strengths I had. I think the US should do exactly that with Japan. The Japanese are world leaders in quality of goods and decades ahead of us in electronics like High Definition Television (HDTV). We will never be able to compete with them in these areas, so we must redefine the competition. I propose that the FCC mandate a new form of Television called Low Emission and Definition Television (LEAD-TV). Such TV sets would have lots of static interference, horrible resolution, be expensive, break very often, and would be hard and frustrating to watch. Exactly the type of TV sets that American industry and workers are already geared to produce! The Japanese, on the other hand, could not produce more...