Somewhere Jokes / Recent Jokes
A preacher was telling his congregation that anything they could think of, old or new, was discussed somewhere in the Bible and that the entirety of the human experience could be found there.
After the service, he was approached by a woman who said "Preacher, I don't believe the Bible mentions PMS."
The preacher replied that he was sure it must be there somewhere and that he would look for it.
The following week after the service, the preacher called the woman aside and showed her a passage which read, "And Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Bethlehem."
A young couple have just got married and are wandering through the countryside
looking for somewhere to stay. They come to a farm and knock on the door.
The farmer answers the door and they explain how they have just got married,
and don't have a lot of money but would like somewhere to stay for a few days.
The farmer being a kind hearted soul offers them the hay loft in his barn,
where they retire to immediately. A few days go by and there is no sign of
the young couple emerging from the barn. After a week, the farmer becomes a
bit concerned, so he goes out to the barn and shouts up, "Are you all right
in there?"
"Yes thank you," comes the reply.
"Aren't you getting hungry?" asked the farmer, "You haven't been out for a
week."
"It's all right," comes
the reply, "we're living off the fruits of love."
"Well," said the farmer,
"I do wish you'd stop more...
Her Diary
Sunday night I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a
bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I
thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no
comment.
Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we
could talk, he agreed but he kept quiet and absent. I asked him what was
wrong - he said, "Nothing." I asked him if it was my fault that he was
upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry.
On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept
driving. I can't explain his behavior; I don't know why he didn't say, "I
love you, too."
When we got home I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do
with me anymore. He just sat there and watched T. V.; he seemed distant and
absent.
Finally I decided to go to bed. About 10 minutes later he came to more...
There was an American on a buisness trip in England. He got on a train, and was unable to find a seat. The man walked up and down the different cars until he discovered that an old lady's tiny dog was taking up a whole seat. So he said to the lady, "Hey, you think you could move your dog? I can't find a seat." Now this wasn't a nice lady, so she replied, "You rude American! My little poodles needs somewhere to be!"So the man walked up and down the cars again, looking for somewhere to sit. He came back to the lady and the dog. "Look lady, I need somewhere to sit. Can you please put your dog on your lap?" Of course, the woman's reply was about the same as the first one, "You again?! Go away you rude man, don't bother my poodles!"So for the last time the man searched for a seat as the train started. He came back to the woman angrily, "Move your mutt lady!" The woman went into a fit of frustration, scolding the man like a child. Finally more...
Morning. Uh, just to help you cope until you wake up:
Feet. They are the frayed bits at the end of your legs. They go on the floor.
Hands. Also frayed, but somewhat different. Let's see, how do we sort this one? I know; stand up. Can you touch the floor with your nose without falling? Right, in that case your hands and feet are mixed up. Pick your hands up _after_ you've put your feet on the floor. Glad we've got that sorted. Now your hands will come in handy (just my little pun) for all sorts of things. Lifting your nightie so you don't pee on the hem. Holding the kettle under the tap while you try to remember what you are doing. Closing the curtains before the sunlight burns out your retinas. The main use for hands is to fend off any walls, doors, hatstands, or other predators which will attack without notice.
Ears. Best left off until you are fully awake. Nothing will sound right, and you'll spend far too much time worrying about the ominous creak which is in fact a more...
by Tad Deriso
There is some compelling force in all Hackers that seems to draw them to their computers every day. Why they get up at 4am to use the modem, and why they continue to rack up a truly incredible phone bill is beyond me.
Most computer areas, at your home or at your office, tend to be messy. Even you try to keep it clean, it is truly impossible. Whether it be empty Coke cans laying all around, soldering devices, electric diodes, computer parts, or integrated circuits, it is not only a pain for your mother to look at, but a prime Russian ICBM missile target as well.
There is much detail needed to explain a Hacker. For instance, instead of organizing his clothes by color, best ones, or style, he organizes his by pile. Also, he likes to sing songs such as, "Let's get Digital", "We all live in a yellow subroutine", and "Somewhere over the RAMbow".
Most Hackers do well in school. The reason is not to more...