Son Jokes / Recent Jokes
Bob and sue have been married for 12 yrs. And never have sex with the lights on. One night sue turned on the lights while they were having sex. And was shocked when she saw her husband with a dildol in his hands. Sue yelled “you impatient fucker! You lying son of a…”Bob stopped her and said, “I’m a lying son of a bitch? Than maybe you would like to explain our 3 kids? ”
· What`s black and white all over and difficult?
An exam paper! · What kinds of tests do they give witches?
Hex-aminations! · Father: How were the exam questions?
Son: Easy
Father: Then why look so unhappy?
Son: The questions didn`t give me any trouble, just the answers! · Father: You were absent on the day of the test?
Son: No but the boy who sits next to me was!
On the boy's 14th birthday, he went to his dad and said, "Dad, I am 14 years old today. Can I drive your Ferrari?"
Dad said, "Son, can your dick reach up to your arse?" The son replied, "No, Dad."
Dad replied, "Then you can't drive my Ferrari"
When the boy was 16 he went to his dad and said, "Dad, I am 16 years old today. Can I drive your Ferrari?"
Dad said, "Son, can your dick reach up to your arse?" The son replied, "No, not yet, Dad."
Dad said "Then you can't drive my Ferrari"
On the boy's 21st birthday, he went to his dad and said, "Dad, I am 21 years old today. Can I drive your Ferrari?"
Dad said, "Son, can your dick reach up to your arse?" The son replied, "Yes Dad, my dick is now long enough to reach my arse".
Dad said "Then go and screw yourself, but you can't drive my Ferrari"
A young boy had justgotten his driving permit.
He asked his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss his use of the family car.
His father said to him, "I'll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study your bible a little, and get your hair cut,
then we will talk about it."
A month later the boy came back and again asked his father if
they could discuss his use of the car.
His father said, "Son, I'm real proud of you. You have brought your grades up, you've studied your bible diligently, but you didn't get a hair cut!"
The young man waited a moment and replied, "You know dad,
I've been thinking about that. You know Samson had long hair,
Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair."
His father replied,"Yes son, and they walked everywhere they went!"
Son: Where are the Himalayas? Father: If you'd put things away, you'd know where to find them.
A father spoke to his son, "It's time we had a little talk, my son. Soon, you will have urges and feelings you've never had before. Your heart will pound and your hands will sweat. You'll be pre-occupied and won't be able to think of anything else." He added, "But don't worry, it's perfectly normal... it's called golf."
Top Ten Things You’ll Never Hear a Dad Say
10. Well, how ’bout that? … I’m lost! Looks like we’ll have to stop and ask for directions.
9. You know Pumpkin, now that you’re thirteen, you’ll be ready for unchaperoned car dates. Won’t that be fun?
8. I noticed that all your friends have a certain “up yours” attitude … I like that.
7. Here’s a credit card and the keys to my new car - GO CRAZY.
6. What do you mean you wanna play football? Figure skating not good enough for you, son?
5. Your Mother and I are going away for the weekend … you might want to consider throwing a party.
4. Well, I don’t know what’s wrong with your car. Probably one of those doo-hickey thingies - you know - that makes it run or something. Just have it towed to a mechanic and pay whatever he asks.
3. No son of mine is going to live under this roof without an earring - now quit your belly-aching, and more...