Sore Jokes / Recent Jokes
A guy walks into a bar and sees a fish tank full of cash in 100's. He walks up to the bartender and asks how he would be able to get that money. The bartender says "well, I have three things for you to do for me. First, theres a guy in a green hat thats been sitting inside my bar and causing trouble, i want you to go out and beat him up and throw him in the back dumpster. Second, theres a dog next to the dumpster that has a sore tooth and has been yelping for help all day, I need you to take care of it. Third, my mom is upstairs in the bedroom. She hasnt had had much "attention" in a while (if you know what I mean), so I'd like for you to help her out on that."
The man agreed.
First, he takes care of the guy in the green hat inside of the bar and takes him outside and tosses him in the dumpster. Meanwhile, inside, the bartender is listening to whats going on outside and hears a whole bunch of yelling and screaming from the dog for a long time. The man comes more...
a guy walks into a bar and sees a jug of money sitting on the tablE he says to the bartender "whats that money for" the bartender says "well its a contest you put in some loose change and then you get 3 tasks if you complete them all you win the money" the man says "ok sounds good" he put some money in the jug and asked the bartender for the 1st task the bartender replied "ok see that big biker dude over there... well you got to knok him out with one punch" so the man walks over and knocks him out with one punch! go back to the bartender and says "that was easy give me the last 2 tasks" the bartender replies "there is a dog in the back with a sore tooth you have to go pull it and there is an 80 year old women upstairs lookin for some sex she hasnt got any in a long time" the man says "no problem" he goes to the back with the dog and all the bartender hears is yelping and crying. the man comes oput and says " OK more...
A blonde is suffering from a sore throat so she goes to see the doctor.
She explains the problem to the doctor who asks her to sit down.
He gets out his light and says, "Open wide".
"I can't," replies the blonde, "the chair's fitted with arms."!
A new guy in town walks into a bar and reads a sign that hangs over the bar... FREE BEER! FREE BEER FOR THE PERSON WHO CAN PASS THE TEST! So the guy asks the bartender what the test is. Bartender replies "Well, first you have to drink that whole gallon of pepper tequila, the WHOLE thing at once and you can't make a face while doing it. Second, there's a' gator out back with a sore tooth... you have to remove it with your bare hands. Third, there's a woman up-stairs who's never had an orgasm. You gotta make things right for her." The guy says, "Well, as much as I would love free beer, I won't do it. You have to be nuts to drink a gallon of pepper tequila and then get crazier from there. Well, as time goes on and the man drinks a few, he asks, "Wherez zat teeqeelah?" He grabs the gallon of tequilla with both hands, and downs it with a big slurp and tears streaming down his face. Next, he staggers out back and soon all the people inside hear the most frightening more...
1. Dear School: Please excuse John from being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.2. Please excuse Dianne from being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.3. Please excuse Johnnie for being. It was his father's fault.4. Chris will not be in school because he has an acre in his side.5. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken off his face.6. Excuse Gloria. She has been under the doctor.7. Lillie was absent from school yesterday because she had a going over.8. My son is under the doctor's care and should not take fizical ed. Please execute him.9. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hit in the growing part.10. My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent this weekend with the Marines.11. Please excuse Joyce from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday she fell off a tree and misplaced her hip.12. Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.13. Maryann was absent Dec. 11-16, because she had a more...
A new guy in town walks into a bar and reads a sign that hangs over the bar... FREE BEER! FREE BEER FOR THE PERSON WHO CAN PASS THE TEST! So the guy asks the bartender what the test is.
Bartender replies "Well, first you have to drink that whole gallon of pepper tequila, the WHOLE thing at once and you can't make a face while doing it. Second, there's a 'gator out back with a sore tooth...you have to remove it with your bare hands. Third, there's a woman up-stairs who's never had an orgasm. You gotta make things right for her." The guy says, "Well, as much as I would love free beer, I won't do it. You have to be nuts to drink a gallon of pepper tequila and then get crazier from there.
Well, as time goes on and the man drinks a few, he asks, "Wherez zat teeqeelah?"
He grabs the gallon of tequilla with both hands, and downs it with a big slurp and tears streaming down his face. Next, he staggers out back and soon all the people inside hear the most more...
How did the monster cure his sore throat? He spent all day gargoyling.