Absent Jokes

1. Dear School: Please excuse John from being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.
2. Please excuse Dianne from being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.
3. Please excuse Johnnie for being. It was his father's fault.
4. Chris will not be in school because he has an acre in his side.
5. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken off his face.
6. Excuse Gloria. She has been under the doctor.
7. Lillie was absent from school yesterday because she had a going over.
8. My son is under the doctor's care and should not take fizical ed. Please execute him.
9. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hit in the growing part.
10. My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent this weekend with the Marines.
11. Please excuse Joyce from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday she fell off a tree and misplaced her hip.
12. Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose more...

1. My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today.
Please execute him.
2. Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.
3. Dear School: Please excuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29,30, 31, 32,
and also 33.
4. Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.
5. Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out
of a tree and misplaced his hip.
6. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.
7. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was
hurt in the growing part.
8. Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered
by very close veins.
9. Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.
10. Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.
11. Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had (diahre)
(dyrea) (direathe) the runs. [words in ()'s were crossed more...

The following is a list with actual notes from parents (including spelling) to school offices:
*My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.
*Please excuse Anne for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.
*Dear school: Please ekscuse Joe being ansent on Jan. 28, 29, 39, 31, 32, and 33.
*Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea and his boots leak.
*Sally win't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.
*My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the marines.
*Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.

Her Diary
Sunday night I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a
bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I
thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no
comment.
Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we
could talk, he agreed but he kept quiet and absent. I asked him what was
wrong - he said, "Nothing." I asked him if it was my fault that he was
upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry.
On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept
driving. I can't explain his behavior; I don't know why he didn't say, "I
love you, too."
When we got home I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do
with me anymore. He just sat there and watched T. V.; he seemed distant and
absent.
Finally I decided to go to bed. About 10 minutes later he came to more...

Yo mama so dark she went to night school and was marked absent! Yo mama so dark she spits chocolate milk! Yo mama so dark she went to night school and was marked absent. Yo mama so dark that she can leave fingerprints on charcoal. Yo mama so dark she has to wear white gloves when she eats Tootsie Rolls to keep from eating her fingers.