"Real excuse notes from parents (with their original spelling)" joke
1. My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today.
Please execute him.
2. Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.
3. Dear School: Please excuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29,30, 31, 32,
and also 33.
4. Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.
5. Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out
of a tree and misplaced his hip.
6. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.
7. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was
hurt in the growing part.
8. Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered
by very close veins.
9. Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.
10. Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.
11. Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had (diahre)
(dyrea) (direathe) the runs. [words in ()'s were crossed out.]
12. Please excuse Burma, she has been sick and under the doctor.
13. Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.
14. Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.
15. I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because
I don't know what size she wears.
16. Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to
get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday,
we thought it was Sunday.
17. Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her
funeral.
18. My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a
weekend with the Marines.
19. Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and
could not breed well.
20. Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with
gramps.
21. Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore
throat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever
and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all
over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must
be something going around, her father even got hot last night.
22. Please excuse little Jimmy for not being in school yesterday. His
father is gone and I could not get him ready because I was in bed
with the doctor.
Jimmy came up to his father one day and asked for a car. His father said, "Jimmy once your dick reaches your asshole, you can have a car." Two years later, Jimmy told his dad that his dick was able to reach his asshole. His father turned to him and said, "Well more...
Teacher: Jimmy, use the word "handsome" in a sentence.
Jimmy: Handsome gum over will ya?
Teacher: No, no, that's not right. You have one more chance. Use the word "gladiator" in a sentence.
Jimmy: A monster ate my sister and I'm gladiator.
Little Jimmy bit his fingernails all the time. His parents tried everything to get him to stop, but to no avail. Finally, his mother, exasperated, decided to tell him a little white lie to get him to stop.
"Jimmy," she said, "You'd better stop biting your more...
It was the day after Christmas at a church in San Francisco. Pastor Mike was looking at the nativity scene outside when he noticed the baby Jesus was missing from the figures.
Immediately, Pastor Mike turned towards the church to call the police. But as he was about to do more...
There once was a third grader named Jimmy. Every time the teacher would say something, Jimmy would say, "How about that!"
One day, the teacher said, "And then George Washington crossed the Delaware."
Jimmy said, "How about that!"
The more...