Sorry Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man is having problems with his penis, which certainly had seen better times. He consults a doctor who, after a couple of tests, says,' 'Sorry, but you've overdone it the last 30 years. Your penis is burned out. You only have 30 erections left in your penis.''

The man walks home, deeply depressed. His wife is waiting for him at the front door and asks him what the doctor said concerning his problem. He tells her what the doctor told him. She says,' 'Oh no, only 30 times! We shouldn't waste that. We should make a list!'' He replies,' 'Yes, I already made a list on the way home. Sorry, your name isn't on it.''

Two guys, one with a Doberman and the other with a Chihuahua, were taking a walk. As they strolled down the street, the guy with the Doberman said to his friend, "Let's go over to that bar and have something to drink."
The guy with the Chihuahua replied, "We can't go in there. We have our dogs with us."
The one with the Doberman said, "Just follow my lead." They walked over to the bar and the guy with the Doberman put on a pair of dark glasses and started to walk into the bar.
"Sorry, buddy, no pets allowed," the bouncer at the door said.
The man with the Doberman said, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog."
"A Doberman?" the bouncer asked skeptically.
"Yes, they're using them now," the man replied. "They're actually quite good."
"Ok then, come on in," said the bouncer.
The guy with the Chihuahua decided he'd try it too, so he put on a pair of dark more...

A blonde goes by an eletronic store when she notices a TV in the front window. She needed a new TV, it had lots of buttons, looked nice and was selling for $259. So she goes in and asked for the TV in the front window but the salesman said "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes." So she just stormed out.
She really wanted this TV so overnight, she dyed her hair red. She came in and asked for the TV in the front window. "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes." came the reply.
By this time she was desperate so she goes home and shaves off her hair. She goes in and asks for the TV in the front window but the salesman just goes,' We don't sell to blondes.'
'How do you know I'm a blonde. I dyed my hair red, and then I even shaved it off, and you still know I'm a blonde. HOW?"
"There are only microwaves in the front window."

The Queen of England was visiting one of Canada's top hospitals, and during her tour of the floors she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating." Oh my God," said the Queen, "that's disgraceful, what is the meaning of this?" The Doctor leading the tour explains; "I am sorry your highness, this man has a very serious condition where the testicles rapidly fill withsemen. If he doesn't do that 5 times a day, they'll explode, and he would die instantly." "Oh, I am sorry," said the Queen. On the next floor they passed a room where a young nurse was giving a patient oral sex." Oh my God," said the Queen, "what's happening in there?" The Doctor replied, "Same problem, better health plan."

"I'm sorry.. Am I poking holes in your self-esteem bucket?"

A man was travelling from Cape Town to Johannesburg when he stopped for a young hitchhiker somewhere in the middle of the Karoo. It happened that the youngster had a cleft palate and thus spoke somewhat nasally. The motorist naturally felt very sorry for the young man.
After driving for an hour or so with very little conversation between them, the man pulled off for a roadside lunch. He opened his picnic basket and offered the youngster some of his sandwiches.
"Thank you, Thir, but becauth of my problem I cannot eat anything that may cauth crumbth to enter my palate," he replied. The man felt he could'nt eat either under the circumstances and opened his thermoflask of coffee.
"Would you like some coffee, son?" he asked. "Thank you, yeth Thir, but becauth of my problem you will have to help me. I cannot drink anything that will end up in my palate, tho have to take it anally by means of thith thpecial funnel."
The obliging motorist, more...

A man runs into the vet's office carrying his dog, screaming for help. The vet rushes him back to an examination room and has him put his dog down on the examination table. The vet examines the still, limp body and after a few moments tells the man that his dog, regrettably, is dead. The man, clearly agitated and not willing to accept this, demands a second opinion.The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat and puts the cat down next to the dog's body. The cat sniffs the body, walks from head to tail poking and sniffing the dog's body and finally looks at the vet and meows. The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog is dead too."The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead.The vet brings in a black Labrador. The lab sniffs the body, walks from head to tail, and finally looks at the vet and barks. The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the lab thinks your dog is dead too."The man, finally more...