Special Jokes / Recent Jokes

Collards is green,
my dog's name is Blue
and I'm so lucky
to have a sweet thang like you.
Yore hair is like cornsilk
a-flapping in the breeze.
Softer than Blue's
and without all them fleas.
You move like the bass,
which excite me in May.
You ain't got no scales
but I luv you anyway.
Yo're as satisfy'n as okry
jist a-fry'n in the pan.
Yo're as fragrant as "snuff"
right out of the can.
You have some'a yore teeth,
for which I am proud;
I hold my head high
when we're in a crowd.
On special occasions,
when you shave under yore arms,
well, I'm in hawg heaven,
and awed by yore charms.
Still them fellers at work,
they all want to know,
what I did to deserve
such a purdy, young doe.
Like a good roll of duct tape
yo're there fer yore man,
to patch up life's troubles
and fix what you can.
Yo're as cute as a more...

Looking for a new pet for his wife, a man entered a pet store and asked the salesman for some assistance. The salesman took the man to a parrot at the back of the store.
"This is the perfect pet for your wife," the salesman said. "Chet is a very special creature."
"What makes him so special?" the man asked.
"Watch," said the salesman, as he took a lighter from his pocket and held it under Chet's right foot. Chet immediately began to sing "Deck the halls... " Then, the salesman held the lighter under Chet's left foot and Chet started to sing "Jingle Bells, jingle bells... "
The man was so impressed with Chet that he bought him and hurried home to his wife.
"Look what I bought for you, honey," he said. "This is Chet and he's a very special parrot."
"What makes him so special?" asked the wife.
"Watch," replied the man, as he took a lighter out of his pocket and more...

The Top 10 Least Desirable Fortunes in a Fortune Cookie: Everyone's meal today is on you! The' special sauce' came from the floor! Guess what our special' drop' was in our Egg Drop Soup and win a free meal!! Your colon will self destruct in five seconds. A recent prison escapee that is sitting near by wants to love you long time. Your dog Sparky... he's no longer missing. See the waiter about our new food poison life insurance policies. We know where you live. You will need good reading material in approximately 15 minutes. MSG? NO!! Ebola Virus.... maybe

CHUCKLE ONE ~
A new soldier was on sentry duty at the main gate
with orders to let no car enter unless it displayed
a special sticker.
A long, black car drove up carrying a general.
"Halt, who goes there?" Challenged the sentry.
The chauffeur, a corporal, replied, "General Wheeler."
"I'm sorry," the sentry said. "I can't let you through
without a special sticker on your vehicle."
The general ordered the corporal to drive on.
"Halt!" The sentry shouted. "You really cannot
drive through without a sticker. I have orders
to shoot, if you persist in trying to drive. "
"I'm telling you, corporal," the general repeated.
"DRIVE ON!"
The sentry walked up to the rear window, and
leaned forward to address the general.
Sir! I'm new at this." He said. "Do I shoot you
or the driver?"

~ CHUCKLE TWO more...

The Top 10 Least Desirable Fortunes in a Fortune Cookie We know where you live. You will need good reading material in approximately 15 minutes. Everyone's meal today is on you! The "special sauce" came from the floor! Guess what our special "drop" was in our Egg Drop Soup and win a free meal! Your colon will self destruct in five seconds. A recent prison escapee that is sitting near by wants to love you long time. Your dog Sparky...he's no longer missing. See the waiter about our new food poison life insurance policies. MSG? NO! Ebola Virus....maybe

Newspaper Ads
As the following classified classics will demonstrate, there are
often more laughs on the advertising and classified pages than you
can find in the cartoons and comic strips:

o Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the
family.
o A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by
waitresses in appetizing forms.
o Dinner Special -- Turkey $2. 35; Chicken or Beef $2. 25; Children
$2. 00.
o For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and
large drawers.
o For sale: a quilted high chair that can be made into a table,
pottie chair, rocking horse, refrigerator, spring coat, size 8 and
fur collar.
o Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.
o Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair
to take home, too.
o Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory.
o Wanted: Unmarried girls more...

A man walked into a pet store looking for a new pet for his wife.
So he asked the salesman for some assistance. The salesguy brought the man to a parrot in the back.
"Now this is the perfect pet for your wife, Chet is an very special animal" the salesman said.
"What makes him so special?" the man asked.
The salesman took a lighter from his pocket and held it under the Chet's right foot, and Chet started to sing "Jingle bells, jingle bells.." and then the salesman held the lighter under is left foot and Chet started to sing "Deck the halls..."
So the man asked, "What happens if you hold the lighter between his feet?"
"Well I don't know" answered the salesman.
So he holds the lighter between the parrot's legs and instantly Chet began to sing...
"Chet's nuts roasting on an open fire..."