Speeding Jokes / Recent Jokes

Rushing to work, I was driving too fast and as a result was pulled over by the highway patrol.
The state trooper noticed that my shirt had the name of a local high school on it. "I teach math there," I explained.
The trooper smiled, and said, "Okay, here's a problem. A teacher is speeding down the highway at 16 m.p.h over the limit. At $12 for every m.p.h over the limit, plus $40 costs, plus the rise in her insurance, what's her total cost?
I replied, "Taking the total, subtracting the low salary I receive, multiplying by the number of kids who hate math, then adding to that the fact that none of us would be anywhere without teachers, I'd say zero."
He handed me back my license. "Math was never my favorite subject," he addmitted. "Please slow down."

One day while on patrol, a police officer pulled over a car for speeding. He went up to the car and asked the driver to roll down her window.
The first thing he noticed, besides the nice red sports car, was how hot the driver was! Drop dead blonde, the works.
"I've pulled you over for speeding, Ma'me.... could I see your drivers license...?"
"...What's a license...???" replied the blonde, instantly giving away the fact that she was as dumb as a stump.
"It's usually in your wallet..." replied the officer. After fumbling for a few minutes, the driver managed to find it. "Now may I see your registration..." asked the cop.
"Registration..... what's that....?" asked the blonde. "It's usually in your glove compartment..." said the cop impatiently. After some more fumbling, she found the registration. "I'll be back in a minute..." said the cop and walked back to his car.
The officer phoned more...

One Sunday, sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH.

He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as
dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his
lights and pulls the driver over.

Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies - two in the front seat and three in the back - wide eyed and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! I always go exactly the speed limit. What seems to be the problem?"

"Ma'am," the officer replies, "you weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."

"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly! Twenty-two miles an hour!" the old woman says a bit proudly.

The more...

Banta is pulled over by the same motorcycle cop who caught him earlier last month for not stopping at lights and beat him up. So Banta decides to go for a revenge this time.
Banta: Is there a problem Officer?
Cop: Sir, you were speeding.
Banta: Oh I see.
Cop: Can I see your licence please?
Banta: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Cop: Don't have one?
Banta: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.
Cop: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Banta: I can't do that.
Cop: Why not?
Banta: I stole this car.
Cop: Stole it?
Banta: Yes, and I killed and raped the owner.
Cop: You what?
Banta: She's in the trunk if you want to see.
The Cop looks at the man and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Senior Officer: Sir, could you step out of your vehicle please! Banta steps out more...

One day while on patrol, a police officer pulled over a car for speeding. He went up to the car and asked the driver to roll down her window. The first thing he noticed, besides the nice red sports car, was how hot the driver was! Drop dead blonde, the works.

"I've pulled you over for speeding, Ma'am.... could I see your drivers license...?"

"... What's a license...???" replied the blonde, instantly giving away the fact that she was as dumb as a stump..

"It's usually in your wallet..." replied the officer. After fumbling for a few minutes, the driver managed to find it.

"Now may I see your registration..." asked the cop.

"Registration..... what's that.....?" asked the blonde.

"It's usually in your glove compartment..." said the cop impatiently. After some more fumbling, she found the registration.

"I'll be back in a minute..." said the cop more...

* A kindergarten teacher asked, "What is the shape of the earth?"One lil' girl spoke up: "According to my Daddy -- terrible!" ---------------* Trying to come to the aid of his Father, who was stopped by an officer for speeding, the lil' tyke piped up,= "Yeah? Well, if we were speeding, so were you!" ----------------* Two kids were trying to figure out what game to play. One said, "Let's play doctor." "Good idea." said the other. "You operate, and I'll sue." ----------------* I guess you can get too health conscious... The wife and I don't have a lot of "junk food" in the house. Upon eating a snack of some munchies or other my Grandson asked what vitamins they had in them. I told him I doubted there were any at all. He replied wide-eyed, "You mean these are just for fun?"

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the lady behind the wheel was knitting!
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yells, "PULLOVER!"
"NO," she yelled back over the sound of the siren, "It's a SCARF!"