Speeding Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man was speeding down the highway, feeling secure in a gaggle of cars all traveling at the same speed. However, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared speed detector and was pulled over. The officer handed him the citation, received his signature and was about to walk away when the man asked, "Officer, I know I was speeding, but I don't think it's fair - there were plenty of other cars around me going just as fast, so why did *I* get the ticket?" "Ever go fishing?" the policeman suddenly asked the man. "Ummm, yeah..." the startled man replied. The officer grinned and added, "Ever catch *all* the fish?"

An elderly couple were driving across the country. The woman was driving when she got pulled over by the highway patrol.
The officer said, "Ma'am did you know you were speeding?"
The woman turns to her husband and asked, "What did he say?"
The old man yelled, "He says you were speeding!"
The patrolman said, "May I see your license?"
The woman turned to her husband and asked, "What did he say?" The old man yelled, "He wants to see your license!" The woman gave him her license.
The patrolman said, "I see you are from Texas. I spent some time there once and went on a blind date with the ugliest woman I've ever seen."
The woman turned to her husband and asked, "What did he say?"
The old man yelled, "He thinks he knows you!"

A cop stopped me for speeding. He said, "Why were you going so fast?" I said, "See this thing my foot is on? It's called an accelerator. When you push down on it, it sends more gas to the engine. The whole car just takes right off. And see this thing [mimes steering wheel]? This steers it."

An elderly couple were driving across the country.
The woman was driving when she got pulled over by the highway patrol.
The officer said, "Ma'am did you know you were speeding?"
The woman, hard of hearing, turns to her husband and asks, "What did he say?"
The old man yells, "He says you were speeding!"
The patrolman says, "May I see your license?"
The woman turns to her husband and asks again, "What did he say?"
The old man yells, "He wants to see your license!"
The woman gave the officer her license.
The patrolman says, "I see you are from Arkansas. I spent some time there once and went on a blind date with the ugliest woman I've ever seen."
The woman turned to her husband and asked, "What did he say?"
And the old man yells, "He said he knows you!"

A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through an automated radar. A $40 speeding ticket was included. Being cute, he sent the police department a picture of $40. The police responded with another mailed photo -- of handcuffs.

An elderly couple were driving across the country.The woman was driving when she got pulled over by the highway patrol.The officer said, "Ma'am did you know you were speeding?"The woman, hard of hearing, turns to her husband and asks, "What did he say?"The old man yells, "He says you were speeding!"The patrolman says, "May I see your license?"The woman turns to her husband and asks again, "What did he say?"The old man yells, "He wants to see your license!"The woman gave the officer her license.The patrolman says, "I see you are from Arkansas. I spent some time there once and went on a blind date with the ugliest woman I've ever seen."The woman turned to her husband and asked, "What did he say?"And the old man yells, "He said he knows you!"

Out in the country walked a family of ducks together. A mother, father and baby. As they attempted to cross the road, a car came speeding down he lane hitting and killing the mother and father duck, leaving the baby duck all by itself. Sadly, the baby duck began to wander around.
About a half mile down the same road a family of skunks attempted to cross the road. Once again, a car came speeding down the lane killing the mother and father skunk. The baby skunk didn't know what to do so he wandered about as the duck did.
Eventually, the baby duck and baby skunk met up with each other. Happy for company the duck began to speak. "
I was walking with my family and they were hit and killed just now. I am so young I don't even know what I am...will you help me?"
The baby skunk looked at the baby duck and said "
Well, you have feathers and webbed feet...you must be a duck!"
The duck was happy to know what he was. The skunk said "
I also more...