Spotted Jokes / Recent Jokes
One night, after a long evening of drinking. Jim was thrown out of the bar as usual. On his way home he spotted a nun walking down the road. After looking at her twice he ran over and tackled her, then proceeded to beat the living shit out of her. Some people passing by spotted this and called the police. As the police were pulling him away in handcuffs he looked back and said, “I thought you’d be tougher than that, Batman. ”
I just spotted a Chihuahua! That wasn't very nice, you shouldn't draw on dogs!
Q: How many loggers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: They can't do it, the light will disturb the spotted owls.
Note: Topical to successful environmentalist pressures to stop logging in the NW U.S. to protect the endangered spotted owl species.
A blonde entered a store shopping and spotted this thing on sale.
The thing was a thermos and she asked the sales clerk what it did. The clerk replied that the thermos kept hot things hot and cold things cold.
The blonde thought that was wonderful and bought the thermos.
Next day the blonde went to work and took the thermos with her. She proudly sat the thermos on her desk. Later in the morning the blonde's boss, who was also a blonde, walked by the desk and while conversing she spotted the thermos.
The blonde boss asked the blonde employee what the thing was on her desk. The employee responded: "it's a thermos." The boss of course had to ask what it did. Again the employee responded confidently: "It keeps hot thing hot and cold things cold."
The boss was impressed. As she started to walk away the boss turned to the employee and asked: " What do you have in your thermos."
The employee more...
(Spotted on a passing motorcycle): If you can read this, the bitch fell off!
Singing Tree Tattles On Burglar Suspects
BATON ROUGE, La. (Reuters) - A singing Christmas tree tattled on two teenage
burglary suspects in Louisiana, leaving the boys with backsides full of
buckshot rather than handfuls of loot, police said Tuesday.
Businessman Leon Wilson, Sr., 59, had been robbed twice last week, so he
started sleeping in his store Friday night and set up a makeshift burglar
alarm - a motion-activated toy Christmas tree his wife had perched near the
store's cash register. Wilson said the toy annoyed him everytime someone
walked by.
When motion is detected, the tree's eyes pop open, its mouth moves and it
calls out "Merry Christmas, Everybody!" before singing "Jingle Bells." Wilson
set up the toy near the door and stretched out on a couch in the back.
Early Monday morning, the singing Christmas tree went off and he spotted two
burglars near the cash register, armed with a crowbar they allegedly more...
A truck driver frequently traveled through a small town where there was a courthouse at the side of the road. Of course, there were always lawyers walking along the road. The truck driver made it a
practice to hit any pedestrian lawyers with his truck as he sped by.
One day, he spotted a priest walking along the road and stopped to give him a ride. A little further along, as he approached the town, he spotted a lawyer walking along the side of the road.
Automatically, he veered his truck towards the lawyer, but...then he remembered his passenger. He swerved back to the center, but he heard a "whump" and in the rear view mirror he spotted the lawyer rolling across the field.
He turned to the priest and said, "Father, I'm sure that I missed that lawyer."
And the priest replied, "That's OK, my son, I got him with the door."