Sprang Jokes / Recent Jokes

A guy who was in the Air Force had just spent a year tour unaccompanied to Shemya, Alaska. The first night he got home, he exclaimed to his wife, "Honey, I want you to know that I haven't wasted all this time alone. Instead, I've mastered the art of mind over matter. Just watch this!" And with that he dropped his trousers and shorts and stood before her in his altogether. "Now watch," he said. Next he said, "Dick, ten-HUT!" And with that, his dick sprang to full erection. Then he said, "Dick, at EASE!" And his dick deflated again. "Wow, that was amazing," said his wife. "Do you mind if I bring our next-door neighbor over to see this? It's really something else!" The guy responded that he didn't mind at all, since he was proud of what he had accomplished. So the wife goes next door and comes back with a delicious looking woman who got this guy's full attention! After a brief pause to take her in, he said, "Now watch more...

A guy who was in the Air Force had just spent a year tour unaccompanied to Alaska.

The first night he got home, he exclaimed to his wife, "Honey, I want you to know that I haven't wasted all this time alone. Instead, I've mastered the art of mind over matter. Just watch this!"

And with that he dropped his trousers and shorts and stood before her in his altogether.

"Now watch," he said. Next he said, "Dick, ten-HUT!" And with that, his dick sprang to full erection. Then he said, "Dick, at EASE!" And his dick deflated again.

"Wow, that was amazing," said his wife. "Do you mind if I bring our next-door neighbor over to see this? It's really something else!"

The guy responded that he didn't mind at all, since he was proud of what he had accomplished.

So the wife goes next door and comes back with a delicious looking woman who got this guy's full attention! After a more...

'Twas the night before Christmas, and God it was neat. The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat.
The doors were all bolted, the phone off the hook, It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook.
Momma in her teddy and I in the nude, Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube.
When out on the lawn there arose such a cry, That I lost my boner, and momma went dry.
Up to the window I sprang like an elf, Tore back the shade while she played with herself.
The moon on the crest of the snowman we'd built, Showed a broom up his ass, clean up to the hilt.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear, But a rusty old sleigh and eight mangy reindeer.
With a fat little driver, half out of the sled, A sock in his ear and a bra on his head.
Sure as I'm speaking, he was high as a kite, And he yelled to his team, but it didn't sound right.
Whoa S**thead, whoa A**hole, whoa Stupid, whoa Putz, Either slow down this rig or I'll cut off your more...

'Twas the night before Christmas, and God it was neat. The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat.The doors were all bolted, the phone off the hook, It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook.Momma in her teddy and I in the nude, Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube.When out on the lawn there arose such a cry, That I lost my boner, and momma went dry.Up to the window I sprang like an elf, Tore back the shade while she played with herself.The moon on the crest of the snowman we'd built, Showed a broom up his ass, clean up to the hilt.When what to my wondering eyes should appear, But a rusty old sleigh and eight mangy reindeer.With a fat little driver, half out of the sled, A sock in his ear and a bra on his head.Sure as I'm speaking, he was high as a kite, And he yelled to his team, but it didn't sound right.Whoa S**thead, whoa A**hole, whoa Stupid, whoa Putz, Either slow down this rig or I'll cut off your nuts.Look out for the lamp post, and don't hit the tree, more...

Twas the night before Christmas, and God it was neat.
The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat.
The doors were all bolted, the phone off the hook,
It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook.
Momma in her teddy and I in the nude,
Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube.
When out on the lawn there arose such a cry,
That I lost my boner, and momma went dry.
Up to the window I sprang like an elf,
Tore back the shade while she played with herself.
The moon on the crest of the snowman we'd built,
Showed a broom up his ass, clean up to the hilt.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a rusty old sleigh and eight mangey reindeer.
With a fat little driver, half out of the sled,
A sock in his ear and a bra on his head.
Sure as I'm speaking, he was high as a kite,
And he yelled to his team, but it didn't sound right.
Woa Shithead, woa Asshole, woa Stupid, woa Putz,
Either slow down this more...

Twas the night before Christmas, and God it was neat.The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat.The doors were all bolted, the phone off the hook, It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook.Momma in her teddy and I in the nude, Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube. When out on the lawn there arose such a cry, That I lost my boner, and momma went dry.Up to the window I sprang like an elf, Tore back the shade while she played with herself. The moon on the crest of the snowman we'd built, Showed a broom up his ass, clean up to the hilt.When what to my wondering eyes should appear, But a rusty old sleigh and eight mangey reindeer. With a fat little driver, half out of the sled, A sock in his ear and a bra on his head.Sure as I'm speaking, he was high as a kite, And he yelled to his team, but it didn't sound right. Woa Shithead, woa Asshole, woa Stupid, woa Putz, Either slow down this rig or I'll cut off your nuts.Look out for the lamp post, and don't hit the tree, more...

A young naval student was being put through the paces by an old sea captain. "What would you do if a sudden storm sprang up on the starboard?" "Throw out an anchor, sir," the student replied. "What would you do if another storm sprang up aft?" "Throw out another anchor, sir." "And if another terrific storm sprang up forward, what would you do then?" asked the captain. "Throw out another anchor, sir." "Hold on," said the captain. "Where are you getting all those anchors from?" "From the same place you're getting your storms, sir."