Sprang Jokes / Recent Jokes

A guy who was in the Air Force had just spent a year tour unaccompanied to Alaska.
The first night he got home, he exclaimed to his wife, “Honey, I want you to know that I haven’t wasted all this time alone. Instead, I’ve mastered the art of mind over matter. Just watch this! ”
And with that he dropped his trousers and shorts and stood before her in his altogether.
“Now watch, ” he said. Next he said, “Dick, ten-HUT! ” And with that, his dick sprang to full erection. Then he said, “Dick, at EASE! ”
And his dick deflated again.
“Wow, that was amazing, ” said his wife. “Do you mind if I bring our next-door neighbor over to see this? It’s really something else! ”
The guy responded that he didn’t mind at all, since he was proud of what he had accomplished.
So the wife goes next door and comes back with a delicious looking woman who got this guy’s full attention! After a brief pause to take her in, he said, “Now watch more...

Twas the day after Christmas, and all through the house,
Every creature was hurting - even the mouse.
The toys were all broken, their batteries dead;
Santa passed out, with some ice on his head.
Wrapping and ribbons just covered the floor, while
Upstairs the family continued to snore.
And I in my T-shirt, new Reeboks and jeans,
Went into the kitchen and started to clean.
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the sink to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
tore open the curtains, and threw up the sash.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a little white truck, with an oversized mirror.
The driver was smiling, so lively and grand;
The patch on his jacket said "U. S. POSTMAN."
With a handful of bills, he grinned like a fox
Then quickly he stuffed them into our mailbox.
Bill after bill, after bill, they still more...

Twas the day after Christmas, and all through the house,
Every creature was hurtin' even the mouse.
The toys were all broken, their batteries dead;
Santa passed out, with some ice on his head.

Wrapping and ribbons just covered the floor,
While upstairs the family continued to snore.

And I in my T-shirt, new Reeboks and jeans,
I went into the kitchen and started to clean.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the sink to see what was the matter.

Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the curtains, and threw up the sash.

When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a little white truck, with an oversized mirror.

The driver was smiling, so lively and grand;
The patch on his jacket said "U.S. POSTMAN."

With a handful of bills, he grinned like a fox.
Then quickly he stuffed them into our mailbox.

Bill more...

It was the NITE before Christmas!

'Twas the night before Christmas, and boy was it neat.
The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat.
The doors were all bolted, the phone off the hook,
It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook.
Momma in her teddy and I in the nude,
Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube.
When out on the lawn there arose such a cry,
That I lost my boner, and momma went dry.
Up to the window I sprang like an elf,
Tore back the shade while she played with herself.
The moon on the crest of the snowman we'd built,
Showed a broom up his ass, clean up to the hilt.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a rusty old sleigh and eight mangy reindeer.
With a fat little driver, half out of the sled,
A sock in his ear and a bra on his head.
Sure as I'm speaking, he was high as a kite,
And he yelled to his team, but it didn't sound right.
Whoa more...

Twas the day after Christmas, and all through the house,
Every creature was hurting-- even the mouse.
The toys were all broken, their batteries dead;
Santa passed out, with some ice on his head.
Wrapping and ribbons just covered the floor, while
Upstairs the family continued to snore.
And I in my T-shirt, new Reeboks and jeans,
Went into the kitchen and started to clean.
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the sink to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the curtains, and threw up the sash.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a little white truck, with an oversized mirror.
The driver was smiling, so lively and grand;
The patch on his jacket said "U. S. POSTMAN."
With a handful of bills, he grinned like a fox
Then quickly he stuffed them into our mailbox.
Bill after bill, after bill, they still more...

The grizzled old sea captain was quizzing a young naval student. “What steps would you
take if a sudden storm came up on the starboard?”“I'd throw out an anchor, sir.”“What would you do if another storm sprang up aft?”“I'd throw out another anchor, sir.”“But what if a third storm sprang up forward?”“I'd throw out another anchor, captain.”“Just a minute, son. Where in the world are you getting all these anchors?”“From the same place you're getting all your storms, sir.”

A young Army man who just completed a year tour in Alaska, unaccompanied, had finally returned home.
The first night he was home, he excitedly said to his wife, "Honey, I want you to know that I didn't waste all the time I spent alone. Instead, I mastered the art of mind over matter. Just watch this!"
He then dropped his trousers and shorts and stood before her.
"Now, watch closely," he said to his wife. Next he said, "Dick, ten-HUT!" With that, his dick sprang to full erection. He then said, "Dick, at EASE!" Immediately, his dick deflated.
"That's amazing!" exclaimed his wife. "Is it all right if I bring our next-door neighbor over to see this? This is really incredible!"
Being so proud of what he had accomplished, he told his wife he didn't mind at all.
She quickly went next door and returned with a gorgeous looking woman who immediately got his full attention. After a short pause to 'compose' more...