Spray Jokes / Recent Jokes

File description: This high school math exam gives you insight into life in a crime-filled society.
City of Los Angeles
High School Math Proficiency Exam
Name:____________________
Gang:________________________
1. Duane has an AK47 with a 30 round clip. If he misses 6 out of 10 shots and shoots 13 times at each drive by shooting, how many drive by shootings can he attempt before he has to reload?
2. If Jose has two ounces of cocaine and he sells an 8 ball to Jackson for $320 and 2 grams to Billy for $85 per gram, what is the street value of the balance of the cocaine if he doesn't cut it?
3. Rufus is pimping for three girls. If the price is $65 for each trick, how many tricks will each girl have to turn so Rufus can pay for his $800 per day crack habit?
4. Jarome wants to cut his 1/2 pound of Heroin to make 20% more profit. How many ounces of cut will he need?
5. Willie gets $200 for stealing a BMW, $50 for a Chevy and $100 for a 4x4. If he has more...

I've invented a fly spray that doesn't kill flies; it makes them so sexually active, you can swat two at a time.

A man was blissfully driving along the highway when he saw the Easter Bunny hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the bunny, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of his car and was hit. The basket of eggs went flying all over the place. Candy, too.

The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side of the road and got out to see what had become of the bunny carrying the basket. Much to his dismay, the colorful bunny was dead.

The driver felt guilty and began to cry. A woman driving down the same highway saw the man crying on the side of the road and pulled over. She stepped out of her car and asked the man what was wrong.' 'I feel terrible,'' he explained.' 'I accidentally hit the Easter Bunny and killed it. There may not be an Easter because of me. What should I do?''

The woman told the man not to worry. She said she knew exactly what to do. She went to her car trunk and pulled more...

A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy sees an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says,' Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole.' The grandfather replies,' I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole.' The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hair spray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. Then he stuffs the worm back into the hole. The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hair spray and runs into the house. Thirty minutes later, the grandfather comes back out and hands the little boy another five dollars. The little boy says,' Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars.' The grandfather replies,' I know. That's from your grandma.'

The Florida State Department of Fish and Wildlife is advising hikers,
hunters, fishers, and golfers to take extra precautions and keep alert for
alligators while in Osceola, Polk, Manatee, Orange and Dade Counties.
They advise people to wear noise-producing devices such as little bells on
their clothing to alert but not startle the alligators unexpectedly.
They also advise the carrying of pepper spray in case of an encounter with
an alligator.
It is also a good idea to watch for fresh signs of alligator activity.
People should recognize the difference between small young alligator and
large adult alligator droppings.
Young alligator droppings are smaller and contain fish bones and possibly
bird feathers.
Adult alligators droppings have little bells in them and smell like pepper
spray.

Recently, somewhere in the US a teacher gave his class a not-too-kosher maths test which landed him in the proverbial soup. The original was edited and given to the class in all seriousness (I think). But there was some logical reasoning behind it!
Many people claim the reason innner city students do poorly on standardized tests is because the tests are culturally biased as part of an evil white surburbanite plan. This is of course a much more likely explanation than the idea that drugs, running gun battles and teen pregnancy are disruptive to education.
So, here's a culturally normalized standard test. City of East Los Angeles
High School Math Proficiency Final Exam
Name: ____________
Alias: ____________
Gang: ____________
Johnny has an AK-47 with a 40 round clip. If he misses 6 out of 10 shots, and he shoots 13 times at every drive by shooting, how may drive by shootings can he attend before he has to reload? Jose has 2 ounces of cocaine and he more...

A man was driving along the highway, and saw a rabbit hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the rabbit, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of the car and was hit. The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side of the road, and got out to see what had become of the rabbit. Much to his dismay, the rabbit was dead. The driver felt so awful, he began to cry. A woman driving down the highway saw the man crying on the side of the road and pulled over. She stepped out of her car and asked the man what was wrong. "I feel terrible," he explained, "I accidentally hit this rabbit and killed it." The woman told the man not to worry. She knew what to do. She went to her car trunk, and pulled out a spray can. She walked over to the limp, dead rabbit, and sprayed the contents of the can onto the rabbit. Miraculously the rabbit came to life, jumped up, waved its paw at the two humans and hopped down the more...