Square Jokes / Recent Jokes
VATICAN CITY (AP) - In a joint press conference in St. Peter's Square this morning, MICROSOFT Corp. and the Vatican announced that the Redmond software giant will acquire the Roman Catholic Church in exchange for an unspecified number of shares of MICROSOFT common stock. If the deal goes through, it will be the first time a computer software company has acquired a major world religion.
With the acquisition, Pope John Paul II will become the senior vice-president of the combined company's new Religious Software Division, while MICROSOFT senior vice-presidents Michael Maples and Steven Ballmer will be invested in the College of Cardinals, said MICROSOFT Chairman Bill Gates.
"We expect a lot of growth in the religious market in the next five to ten years," said Gates. "The combined resources of MICROSOFT and the Catholic Church will allow us to make religion easier and more fun for a broader range of people."
Through the MICROSOFT Network, the company's more...
VATICAN CITY (AP) - In a joint press conference in St. Peter's Square this morning, MICROSOFT Corp. and the Vatican announced that the Redmond software giant will acquire the Roman Catholic Church in exchange for an unspecified number of shares of MICROSOFT common stock. If the deal goes through, it will be the first time a computer software company has acquired a major world religion.With the acquisition, Pope John Paul II will become the senior vice-president of the combined company's new Religious Software Division, while MICROSOFT senior vice-presidents Michael Maples and Steven Ballmer will be invested in the College of Cardinals, said MICROSOFT Chairman Bill Gates."We expect a lot of growth in the religious market in the next five to ten years," said Gates. "The combined resources of MICROSOFT and the Catholic Church will allow us to make religion easier and more fun for a broader range of people."Through the MICROSOFT Network, the company's new on-line more...
A little old lady went into a Bank one day, carrying a bag of money. She insisted that she must speak with the president of the bank to open a savings account because, "It`s a lot of money!"
After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her into the president`s office. The bank president then asked her how much she would like to deposit. She replied, "$165, 000!" and dumped the cash out of her bag onto his desk.
The president was of course curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asked her, "Ma`am, I`m surprised you`re carrying so much cash around. Where did you get this money?"
The old lady replied, "I make bets."
The president then asked, "Bets? What kind of bets?"The old woman said, "Well, for example, I`ll bet you $25, 000 that your balls are square."
"Ha!" laughed the president, "That`s a stupid bet. You can never win that kind of bet!"
The old more...
One day all the scientists in heaven decided to play hide-n-seek. Einstein was "it" and had to count up to 100 and then start searching.
Einstein starts counting... "1,2,3..."
Everyone starts hiding except Newton who just draws a square of 1 meter and stands in it right in front of Einstein.
"97,98,99... 100!" He opens his eyes and finds Newton standing in front.
Einstein immediately sees him and starts yelling, "Newton's out! Newton's out!"
Newton denies and says, "I am not out. I am not Newton."
All the scientists come out to see how he proves that he is not Newton.
Newton says "I am standing in a square of area 1m squared. That makes me Newton per meter squared since one Newton per meter squared is one Pascal, I'm Pascal. Therefore, Pascal is OUT!"
1. Why are round pizzas put in square boxes?
2. If a deaf person must appear in court is it still called a hearing?
3. Why does the sign read, "Enter at your own risk" who else could you risk other than yourself?
4. If it's called "frying pan" is it OK to boil something in it?
5. Why doesn't every doughnut have nuts in it?
A patient goes to a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist gives him a Rorschach Test; he shows the patient a circle with a dot inside it and asks, "What do you see?" The patient replies, "Two people are having sex in the middle of a circular room." The psychiatrist shows the patient another picture of a square with a dot inside it and asks, "What do you see?" Patient answers, "Two people are having sex in a square room." The psychiatrist shows the patient one more picture of a triangle with a dot outside it and asks, "What do you see now?" Patient replies, "Doctor, are you some kind of pervert?!?"