Square Jokes / Recent Jokes

Three patients at a psychiatric clinic are up for release. The shrink informs them that they will have to pass a simple test. Asking the first patient: Q. How much is two plus two? A: Blue. At which the kind doctor calls in the orderly to escort the patient back to his room. Turning to the second patient, he asks what is six minus three? To which the patient replies: Square. Once again the orderly is called in to remove the patient. Turning to the third and last patient, he asks, "How much is five plus five?" The patient answers very confidentally: Ten. The doctor, amazed then inquires how did you figure it out? The patient: "Easy.Blue multiplied by square equals ten."

Once all the scientists die and go to heaven......... They decide to play hide-n-seek...... Unfortunately Einstein is the one who has the den........... He is supposed to count upto 100... and then start searching..... Everyone starts hiding except Newton.......
Newton just draws a square of 1 meter and stands in it right in front of Einstein........ Einstein's counting...... 97, 98, 99..... 100........ He opens his eyes and finds Newton standing in front........
Einstein says "newton's out.. newton's.... out....."
Newton denies and says i am not out..... He claims that he is not Newton... All the scientists come out to see how he proves that he is not
Newton..... Newton says "I am standing in a square of area 1m squared... That makes me Newton per meter squared... since one Newton per meter squared is one Pascal, I'm Pascal, Therefore Pascal is OUT! !!!!!!!"

A wife arriving home from a shopping trip, was horrified to find her
husband in bed with a young lovely thing. Just as she was about to
storm out of the house her husband stopped her with these words.
Before you leave, I want you to hear how all this came about. Driving
along the highway, I saw this young girl looking tired and bedraggled,
so I offered her a lift. She was hungry, so I brought her home and made
a meal from the roast you had forgotten in the refrigerator. She had
only some worn sandals, so I gave her a pair of good shoes you
discarded because they were out of style. She was cold, so I gave her
the sweater I bought you for your birthday - the one you never wore
because the colours didn't suit you. Her slacks were worn out, so I
gave her a pair of yours that were perfectly good, but too small for
you now. Then as she was about to leave the house, she paused and
asked;
"Is there anything else that more...

TEST:
***
DO NOT SKIP AHEAD. Read this message ONE LINE AT A TIME and just do what it says. You will be glad you did. If not, you'll feel like an idiot and wish you had listened.
***
1) pick a number from 1-9
2) subtract 5
3) multiply by 3
4) square the number (multiply by the same number - not square root) and if it's negative make it positive.
5) add the digits until you get only one digit (i.e. 64=6 4= 10= 1 0=1)
6) if the number is less than 5, add five. Otherwise subtract 4.
7) multiply by 2
8) subtract 6
9) map the digit to a letter in the alphabet 1=A, 2=B, 3=C, etc...
10) pick a name of a country that begins with that letter
11) take the second letter in the country name and think of a mammal that begins with that letter
12) think of the color of that mammal
***
DO NOT SCROLL DOWN UNTIL YOU HAVE DONE ALL OF THE ABOVE
Here it comes, NO CHEATING or you'll be sorry...
You have a grey elephant from Denmark!

TEST:*** DO NOT SKIP AHEAD. Read this message ONE LINE AT A TIME and just do what it says. You will be glad you did. If not, you'll feel like an idiot and wish you had listened.***1) pick a number from 1-92) subtract 53) multiply by 34) square the number (multiply by the same number - not square root) and if it's negative make it positive. 5) add the digits until you get only one digit (i.e. 64=6 4= 10= 1 0=1)6) if the number is less than 5, add five. Otherwise subtract 4.7) multiply by 28) subtract 69) map the digit to a letter in the alphabet 1=A, 2=B, 3=C, etc...10) pick a name of a country that begins with that letter11) take the second letter in the country name and think of a mammal that begins with that letter12) think of the color of that mammal***DO NOT SCROLL DOWN UNTIL YOU HAVE DONE ALL OF THE ABOVEHere it comes, NO CHEATING or you'll be sorry... You have a grey elephant from Denmark!

There was a tour bus in Egypt that stopped in the middle of a town square. The tourists are all shopping at the little stands surrounding the square. One tourist looks at his watch, but it is broken, so he leans over to a local who is squatted down next to his camel. "What time is it, sir?" The local reaches out and softly cups the camel's genitals in his hand, and raises them up and down. "It's about 2:00", he says. The tourist can't believe what he just saw. He runs back to the bus, and sure enough, it is 2:00. He tells a few of the fellow tourists his story, "The man can tell the time by the weight of the camel's genitals!" One of the doubting tourists walks back to the local and asks him the time, the same thing happens! It is 2:05.p.m. He runs back to tell the story. Finally, the bus driver wants to know how it is done. He walks over and asks the local how he knows the time from the camel's genitals. The local says "Sit down here and grab the more...

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports carand was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde. The cop asked to see the blonde's driver's license. She dug through herpurse and was getting progressively more agitated." What does it look like?" she finally asked. The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it." The driver finally found a square mirror, looked at it and handed it tothe policewoman. "Here it is," she said. The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying,"Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."