Stared Jokes / Recent Jokes
It was a particularly tough football game, and nerves were on edge. The home team had been the victim of three or four close calls, and they were now trailing the visitors by a touch-down and a field goal. When the official called yet another close one in the visitors' favor, the home quarterback blew his top. How many times can you do this to us in a single game?" he screamed. "You were wrong on the out-of-bounds, you were wrong on that last first down, and you missed an illegal tackle in the first quarter." The official just stared. The quarterback seethed, but he suppressed the language that might get him tossed from the game. "What it comes down to," he bellowed, "is that you STINK!" The official stared a few more seconds. Then he bent down, picked up the ball, paced off 15 yards, and put the ball down. He turned to face the steaming quarterback. The official finally replied, "And how do I smell from here?"
W O M A N
If you kiss her, you are not a gentlemen
If you don't, you are not a man
If you praise her, she thinks you are lying
If you don't, you are good for nothing
If you agree to all her likes, she is abusing
If you don't, you are not understanding
If you visit her too often, she thinks it is boring
If you don't, she accuses you of double crossing
If you are well dressed, she says you are a playboy
If you don't, you are a dull boy
If you are jealous, she says it's bad
If you don't, she thinks you don't love her
If you attempt a romance, she says you didn't respect her
If you don't, she thinks you don't like her
If you are a minute late, she complains it's hard to wait
If you visit another, she accuses you of being a heel
If she is visited by another,' Oh! it's natural, we are girls'
If you kiss her once in a while, she professes you are cold
If you kiss her too many, she yells that you more...
An Australian, an Irishman and an Englishman were sitting in a bar. There was only one other person in the bar; a man. The three men kept looking over at this other man, for he seemed somewhat familiar. They stared and stared, wondering where they had seen him before, when suddenly the Irishman cried out, "My God, I know who that man is! It's Jesus!"The others looked again and, sure enough, it was Jesus himself, sitting alone at a table. The Irishman call out, "Hey, you!!! Are you Jesus?"The man looks over at him, smiles a small smile and nods his head."Yes, I am Jesus," he replies. The Irishman calls the bartender over and says to him "I'd like you to give Jesus over there a pint of Guinness from me." So the bartender pours Jesus a Guinness and takes it over to his table. Jesus looks over, raises his glass to the men, smiles a thank you and drinks up.The Englishman then calls out, "Errr, excuse me, Sir, but would you be Jesus?" Jesus more...
me and my cuz were drinking booz 101vadca. we were waching docktary. an old jungel movie on t.v. my cuz got up to get a refill. i have a long straight hall and have fake tee plants on one side of the hall. as i was waching t.v i notice this big lione heary head on front of the t.v screen.i freakd out so i stared at it and it stared back at me and we countinue staring at each other for a few second around that time my cuz was walking back so i yalld at himm say cuz lookout thers a lione staring at me so he yald back at me dont move waite untill a comerchal comes on