Starts Jokes / Recent Jokes

Santa Singh comes home from an exhausting day at work,
plops down on the couch in front of the television,
and tells his wife, `Get me a beer before it starts.`
The wife sighs and gets him a beer. Fifteen minutes
later, he says, `Get me another beer before it starts.`
She looks cross, but fetches another beer and slams
it down next to him. He finishes that beer and a
few minutes later says, `Quick, get me another beer,
it`s going to start any minute.`
The wife is furious. She yells at him
`Is that all you`re going to do tonight?
Drink beer and sit in front of that TV?
You`re nothing but a lazy, drunken, fat slob,
and furthermore. ..`
Santa sighs and says, `It`s started... `

A woman is dancing happily down the railroad tracks, singing to herself "...21. ..21. ..21..."
After a little while, an Antartian walks up to her. She observes for a minute and then asks, "What are you doing?"
The woman does not answer and keeps singing "...21. ..21. ..21. .." So the Antartian jumps on the tracks and follows her dancing and starts singing "...21. ..21. ..21. .." A little later a train comes down the tracks. The woman jumps off, but the Antartian keeps dancing and singing to her self and gets hit by the train.
The woman gets back on the track and starts dancing and singing again, "...22. ..22. ..22. .."

This guy walks into a bar near a concert hall with an octopus under his arm and says, "I'll bet any of you that my octopus can play any instrument that you give him." Two guys bet fifty dollars each that the octopus can't play their instruments. The first guy hands over his French horn and the octopus starts to play it. The second guy hands over his tuba and sure enough the octopus starts to play it. The bartender then walks into the back room and comes back five minutes later with a set of bagpipes and bets all the money in the drawer that the octopus wouldn't be able to play it. He hands over the bagpipes to the octopus and waits. After about a minute of watching the octopus run its tentacles over the bagpipe the owner of the octopus says, "Come on now! Play it!" The octopus replies, "What do you mean play it?! If I can figure out how to get the plaid pajamas off of it, I'm gonna screw it!"

This is strange... can you figure it out?
Are you the 2% or 98% of the population?
Follow the instructions! NO PEEKING AHEAD!
* Do the following exercise, guaranteed to raise an eyebrow.
* There's no trick or surprise.
* Just follow these instructions, and answer the questions one
at a time and as quickly as you can!
* Again, as quickly as you can but don't advance until
you've done each of them. .. really.
* Now, scroll down (but not too fast, you might miss something>

Think of a number from 1 to 10



Multiply that number by 9



If the number is a 2-digit number, add the digits together



Now subtract 5



Determine which letter in the alphabet corresponds to the
number
you ended up with
(example: 1=a, 2=b, 3=c, etc.)



Think of a country that starts with that letter


Remember the last letter of more...

A guy gets up really early in the morning to go ice fishing.

He goes out onto the ice with his tent, his pick and his fishing rod, and starts to pick at the ice.

Then he hears a big booming voice: "THERE'S NO FISH UNDER THE ICE"

The guy looks around and then starts to pick at the ice again.

Then he hears the voice again: "THERE'S NO FISH UNDER THE ICE"

Now the guy is getting a little edgy.

He looks up, "God, is that you?"

There is no answer, so he starts picking again.

"THERE'S NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!!"

Then the guy yells "God! is that you?"

"NO, IT'S THE MANAGER OF THE ICE RINK!!"

Trouble in marriage often starts when a man gets so busy earning his salt that he forgets his sugar.

This chick walks into a doctor's office and the nurse tells her to take off her clothes and that the doctor will be with her in a minute, so she does.

The doctor walks in and take off his coat and starts to feel between her thighs. He asks "do you know what I'm doing now" and she replies "you're checking for menopause" and he says "very good".

Then he starts feeling her tits and he asks her "do you know what I'm doing now" and she says "checking for breast cancer" and he says "very good".

Then he jumps on her and starts rooting her and asks if she knows what he's doing now and she replies "contracting genital herpes cause that's why I came to see you"