States Jokes / Recent Jokes

There was a proper Chinese businessman visiting a newly acquired business in the United States. As a gesture of good will, the executives of his newly acquired business took him out to a golf course for a round of golf. The man had never played the game before.
Upon his return to China, his family asked what he had done in the United States. The man replied, "Played most interesting game. Hit little white ball with long stick in large cow pasture. . . "
The man continued, "Name of game is' Oh Sh**.'"

An elderly woman lived on a small farm in Canada, just yards away from the North Dakota border. Their land had been the subject of a minor dispute between the United States and Canada for years. The widowed woman lived on the farm with her son and three grandchildren.
One day, her son came into her room holding a letter. "I just got some news, Mom," he said. "The government has come to an agreement with the people in North Dakota. They've decided that our land is really part of the United States. We have the right to approve or disapprove of the agreement. What do you think?"
"What do I think?" his mother said. "Sign it! Call them right now and tell them we accept! I don't think I can stand another Canadian winter!"

A tourist from the United States of America is at a resturantin Havana. He tells the waiter that the USA is the bestcountry in the world because of the freedoms it has. He says,"Take Freedom of Speech for example. I could stand in frontof the White House in Washington D. C. and yell PresidentClinton is a bastard! and nothing would be done to me." TheCuban waiter replies, "We have that same freedom in Cuba. Icould stand in front of El Capital and yell the same thing andnothing would be done to me too!"

The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged that they had for the past five years covertly funded a project with US auto makers whereby the auto makers installed black boxes in four wheel drive pickup trucks in an effort to determine, in fatal accidents, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash.
They were surprised to find in 44 of the 50 states that the last words of drivers in 61. 2 percent of fatal crashes were, "Oh, Shit!" Only the states of West Virginia, Georgia, Mississippi, Louisiana, Alabama, Texas, and Tennessee were different, where over 89. 3 percent of the final words were: "Hold my beer and watch this."

If states misuse stimulus money, the Obama administration may pull the money or embarrass the states, Vice President Joe Biden said today. Just yesterday, Biden gave North Carolina a Wet Willy.

The year is 2012 and the United States of America has recently elected the
first woman as well as the first Jewish President, Ms. Shirley Vineberg.

So the President-elect calls up her mother in Brooklyn a few weeks after Election Day.

"So ma, I assume you will be coming to my inauguration?"

"I don't think so. It's a six hour drive, and your father isn't as young as he used to be, and my gout is acting up again."

"Don't worry about it Mom, I'll send Air Force One to pick you up and take you home. And a limousine will pick you up at your door."

"I don't know. Everybody will be so fancy; I don't know what on Earth I would wear."

"Oh mom," replies Susan, "Don't worry about it. I'll make sure you have some wonderful dresses by Christian Dior."

"Honey," Mom complains, "you know I can't eat those rich foods you and your friends like to more...

The Collins family owned a small farm in Canada, just yards away from the North Dakota border. For generations, their land had been the subject of a minor dispute between Canada and the United States. Mrs. Collins, who had just celebrated her ninetieth birthday, lived on the farm with her son and two grandchildren.
One day, her son rushed into her room with a letter in his hand. "Mom, I have some news," he said. "The government has come to an agreement with the people in Washington. They've decided that our land is really part of the United States. We have the right to approve or disapprove of the agreement. What do you think?"
"What do I think?" his mother replied. "Jump at it! Call them immediately and tell them we accept. I don't think I could stand another one of those Canadian winters!"