Steps Jokes / Recent Jokes

Quick Thinking
A wife and her husband were having a dinner party for all the major status figures in Rome, Italy. The wife was very excited about this and wanted everything to be perfect.
At the very last minute, she realized that she didn't have any snails for this dinner party, so she asked her husband to run down to the beach with the bucket she was handing him to gather some snails. Very grudgingly he agreed.
He took the bucket, walked out the door, down the steps, and out to the beach. As he was collecting the snails, he noticed a beautiful woman strolling alongside the water just a little further down the beach. He kept thinking to himself "Wouldn't it be great if she would even just come down and talk to me." He went back to gathering the snails.
All of a sudden he looked up, and the beautiful woman was standing right over him. They got to talking, and she invited him back to her place. They were at her apartment a ways down the beach, and they more...

Jerry is watching the end of an intense baseball game when his wife taps him on the shoulder and asks,' Honey, could you fix the front steps? They're ready to collapse.' He sighs and says,' After the game, Flo.' Flo grinds her teeth. She nearly broke her neck climbing those stupid stairs and all he cares about is his stupid baseball game.' Well, could you fix the light in the hall? It's been flickering for weeks.' He sighs and says,' Darn it, Flo, I'm a sports fan, not an electrician. Call Joe Burkes to fix it.' Flo counters:' Can you fix the fridge door, then? It won't shut.' Jerry turns to talk to her and misses the game-winning homer. He turns back to the screen and sees people celebrating and carrying on. He wants to swear. Instead he says,' You want me to fix the fridge? Who do I look like, the Maytag Repairman?' She opens her mouth and he hushes her silent.' I need to cool down,' he says.' I'm going out.' Jerry goes to his favorite watering hole and drinks for about an hour. more...

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A0: Three; one to do it and two to sue him for malpractice.
A1: It only takes one lawyer to change your light bulb to his light bulb.
A2: You won’t find a lawyer who can change a light bulb. Now, if you’re looking for a lawyer to screw a light bulb…
A3: Whereas the party of the first part, also known as “Lawyer”, and the party of the second part, also known as “Light Bulb”, do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed upon duties, i. e., the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entryway, terminating at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) more...

One morning, two priests head for the showers. It isn't until they're undressed and in the showers, that they realize they didn't bring any soap. Father George decides he'll run back for the soap. Rather than taking the time to get dressed, he peaks out into the hallway, sees there's no one around, and decides to make a run for it.
He grabs the two bars of soap, checks the hall before heading back to the showers, sees it's all clear and makes a run for it. Just as he turns the corner to the showers, he spots three nuns walking toward him. With nowhere to go, and hoping that the nuns will think he's a statue, he stands perfectly still, holding the two bars of soap.
The nuns approach and the first nun says, "Oh my, look at that! Isn't that the most life-like statue you've ever seen?" She steps up for a closer look, reaches out and gives a couple of tugs on the priest's pecker. Startled, he drops the first bar of soap.
"Oh Heavens," she exclaims, "I more...

Yo Mama is so fat when she steps on a scale, it reads "One at a time, please."

A priest comes out of the church to find Little Johnny sitting on the steps. The boy is killing ants by smashing them with his thumb, saying, "Fucking ants," with each smash. The priest watches for a moment, horrified, before running over to Little Johnny.
"What are you doing!?!?!" the priest shouts at him.
"I'm killing these fucking ants," responds Little Johnny.
Visibly upset, the priest sits next to Little Johnny. "My son, don't you know that it is wrong to harm any of God's creatures? God created every living being and it is a sin to kill any of them, including ants."
Little Johnny thinks about this a minute and says to the priest, "But these ants don't do anything. They just bother people."
The priest responds, "Everything in life has a purpose my son, including these ants. I want you to go home and think about that. In fact, I challenge you to come back here in one week and see if you can think of three more...

A Korean, A Mexican, An Australian & An American Are Attending A U. N. General Assembly. The Secretary General Of The U. N.
Says,"Each And Every Country Should Take Necessary Steps To Solve The Problem Of Terrorism For The Betterment Of The Rest Of
The World. To This The Korean Says'Sorry, I Don't Know The Meaning Of The Phrase'necessary Steps.' After This The Mexican
Says'Sorry, I Don't Know The Meaning Of The Phrase" To Solve Problems." Then The Australian Says "Sorry, I Don't Know The
Meaning Of The Word' Terrorism'." At Last The American Says'Sorry, I Don't Know The Meanig Of The Phrase'for The Betterment
Of The Rest Of The World."