Steve Jokes / Recent Jokes
A man goes onto Stars in there eyes, the audience clap wildley as as he walks onto the stage.
He is greeted by Mathew Kelly who introduces him as "Steve, a mechanic from Manchester". Steve gives a brief description of himself, and Mathew asks, " Who are you going to be tonight Steve?" To which he replies, "Tonight mathew i'm going to be Glen Miller."
Steve turns, walks up the steps, the sliding doors open, and he walks off into the mist... and no ones seen him since.
John, Bob, and Steve were traveling through Africa. When, out of the bushes a tribe of natives grabs all three. The tribal chief tells them that they have to go out into the jungle and gather up ten pieces of the same fruit. So, John is the first back and he is carrying ten apples. He shows his apples to the chief and the chief said "You have successfully completed the first test. The second test is you have to bend over and have all the fruit shoved up your ass without making a sound." John bends over and takes the first apple, on the second he screams with horrible pain. The chief kills John and John rises to heaven.
Next, Bob comes walking out of the jungle with ten grapes. The chief says, "You have successfully completed the first test. The second test is you have to bend over and have all the fruit shoved up your ass without making a sound." Bob bends over and takes the first without feeling a thing. He takes the second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth, more...
Dawn was breaking over the camp grounds. Tony and Steve were lying in their tent.' That was a terrible thunder and lightening storm last night,' Tony announced. Steve turned to him and said,' Why didn't you wake me up? You know I can't sleep during a storm!'
IT'S A WONDERFUL MACHINE
The Sweetest Christmas Movie Frank Capra Never Made
-- by David Pogue
I guess I shouldn't have gone to a party where the eggnog was spiked, and maybe I shouldn't have watched the movie It's a Wonderful Life while leafing through MacWeek. But anyway, I had the weirdest dream last night -- like a bizarre black-and-white movie that went like this: Jimmy Stewart stars as Steve' Jobs' Bailey, who runs a beleaguered but beloved small-town computer company. For years, big monopolist Bill' Gates' Potter has been wielding his power and money to gain control of the town. And for years, Steve has fought for survival:' This town needs my measly, one-horse computer, if only to have something for people to use instead of Windows!'
But now an angry mob is banging on Apple's front door, panicking.' The press says your company is doomed!' yells one man.' You killed the clones! We're going to Windows!' calls another.' We want out of our more...
Sue: I hate being married. Steve hasn't so much as kissed me since the wedding!
Jill: Have you thought about divorcing Steve?
Sue: Why? I'm not married to Steve!
Susan commented to her husband, "Steve, the young couple that just moved in next door seem to be such a loving pair. Each morning, when he leaves for work, he kisses her goodbye, and every evening he brings her home a dozen roses."
"Why can't you do that?" Susan continued
"Gee, honey, I hardly know the girl!" replied Steve.
1. You have been on-line for 46 minutes. Do you want to stay on-line? Please respond within 10 minutes, or you will be logged off.
2. You have been on-line 135 minutes. Not to put any pressure on you,but there are OTHER people in the world who would like to sign on. Let's show some consideration for our fellow members and sign off, WHADDYA SAY?
3. You DO realize that you have been on-line for 180 minutes, right? When was the last time you went outside?
4. OK, this is getting ridiculous. Frankly, you're starting to upset us! If you sign off now, we'll bring back your buddy list, OK?
5. You have been on-line for 360 minutes now! We promised you unlimited time, we know, but can't you just finish up and go read a good book?!
6. You have been on-line for 467 minutes. Do you remember your family members names?
7. You have been on-line for 513 minutes. Your spouse has left and your dog is starving. Do you wish to remain more...