Steve Jokes / Recent Jokes
Three turtles, Joe, Steve, and Raymond, decide to go on a picnic. So Joe packs the picnic basket with cookies, bottled sodas, and sandwiches. The trouble is, the picnic site is 10 miles away, so the turtles take 10 whole days to get there. By the time they do arrive, everyone's exhausted.
Joe takes the stuff out of the basket, one by one. He takes out the sodas and says,' Alright, Steve, gimme the bottle opener.'' I didn't bring the bottle opener,' Steve says.' I thought you packed it.' Joe gets worried. He turns to Raymond.' Raymond, do you have the bottle opener?' Naturally,
Raymond doesn't have it, so the turtles are stuck ten miles away from home without soda. Joe & Steve beg Raymond to turn back home and retrieve it, but Raymond flatly refuses, knowing that they'll eat everything by the time he gets backs.
The turtles manage to convince Raymond to go, swearing on their great-grand turtles' graves that they won't touch the food. So, Raymond sets off down the road, more...
[To the tune of "American Pie"] A long, long, time ago
I can still remember when I dialed up their help desk lines.
And I knew if I had the chance
They could make my modem dance
with chats and GIFs and silly pick-up lines. But Help Desk phone calls made me shiver
with every busy they`d deliver.
Bad news on the front page
A 19-hour outrage. I can`t remember if I cried
when I realized that Steve Case had lied.
But something touched me deep inside
The day the service died. So bye bye to Amer`ca Online
Drove my modem to a domain and it`s working just fine.
And good old geeks are cheering users offline
Saying this`ll be the day that they die.
This`ll be the day that they die. Did you write the book of TOS
Will you send your password to PWD-BOSS
If an IM tells you so. And will you believe the Motley Fool
When he tells you that the service rules
And can you teach me how to Web real slow? Well more...
John was in a bar looking very dejected. His friend, Steve, walked over and asked, "What's wrong?"
"It's my mother-in-law," John replied, while shaking his head sadly. "I have a real problem with her."
"Cheer up," Steve said. "Everyone has problems with their mother-in-law."
"Yeah," John answered. "But not everybody gets theirs' pregnant."
It was Saturday morning as Steve, an avid hunter, woke up ready to go bag the first deer of the season. He walks down to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and to his surprise he finds his wife, Alice, sitting there, fully dressed in camouflage.
Steve asks her: "What are you up to?"
Alice smiles: "I'm going hunting with you!"
Steve, though he had many reservations about this, reluctantly decides to take her along. Later they arrive at the hunting site. Steve sets his wife safely up in the tree stand and tells her: "If you see a deer, take careful aim on it and I'll come running back as soon as I hear the shot"
Steve walks away with a smile on his face knowing that Alice couldn't bag an elephant-much less a deer. Not 10 minutes pass when he is startled as he hears an array of gunshots.
Quickly, Steve starts running back. As he gets closer to her stand, he hears Alice screaming: "Get away from my deer!"
Confused, Steve more...
There was a plane crash on this unknown island and there were 3 survivors, Mark, Steve and Ben all mates. They ran into the leader of a tribe on the island and the tribe leader said “normally we eat trespassers on this island but 2day is your lucky day! You have to do 2 things and if you fail them you will be eaten”. The men had no choice but to accept the offer. The leader said to them all to go out into the forest and find 10 peices of the same fruit then bring them back. About fifteen minutes later Mark came back with 10 apples. “So now what do I do”? The leader said “Now you need to stick those ten peices of fruit up ur ass without pulling a face or making any noises”! So the man does about five tjen makes a noise of pain. The leader says “rules are rules” so the tribe eat him and up to heaven he goes. Steve comes back with 10 cherries.
He askes “what now”? The tribe leader tells him to stick them all up his ass without pulling a face or making any noises more...
[To the tune of "American Pie"] A long, long, time ago I can still remember when I dialed up their help desk lines. And I knew if I had the chance They could make my modem dance with chats and GIFs and silly pick-up lines. But Help Desk phone calls made me shiver with every busy they'd deliver. Bad news on the front page A 19-hour outrage. I can't remember if I cried when I realized that Steve Case had lied. But something touched me deep inside The day the service died. So bye bye to Amer'ca Online Drove my modem to a domain and it's working just fine. And good old geeks are cheering users offline Saying this'll be the day that they die. This'll be the day that they die. Did you write the book of TOS Will you send your password to PWD-BOSS If an IM tells you so. And will you believe the Motley Fool When he tells you that the service rules And can you teach me how to Web real slow? Well I know you sold the service short Cause I saw your quarterly report. Steve Case sold off more...
Bill and Steve are enjoying a beer and discussing the possibility of love. "I thought I was in love three times," Bill says. "Thought?" Steve asks. "What do you mean?" "Three years ago, I cared very deeply for a woman who wanted nothing to do with me," Bill says. "Wasnt that love?" Steve asks. "No, that was obsession," Bill explains. "Then two years ago, I cared very deeply for an attractive woman who didnt understand me." "Wasnt that love?" asks Steve. "No, that was lust," Bill replies. "And just last year, I met a woman while I was on a cruise. She was gorgeous, intelligent, a great conversationalist and had a super sense of humor. Everywhere I followed her on that ship, I would get a very strange sensation in the pit of my stomach." "Well, wasnt that love," asks Steve. "No. That was motion sickness!" Bill replies.