Steve Jokes / Recent Jokes

The radio show was Queensland FM (QFM) and the host was Jim.
The phone-in competition was to give an English word that's not in the Oxford Dictionary and put the word in a sentence. The first prize was a fortnight for two in Los Angeles.
The show went as follows (don't forget the Aussie accent):
Jim: 'Hi, this is Jim. What's your name and what's your word'
Caller: 'This is Bob from the bush and my word is gaan, spelt g. a. a. n. '
Jim: 'Thanks Bob, my assistants are just checking and they are telling me that the word does not appear in the oxford Dictionary, so for two weeks in Los Angeles, please put your word into a sentence.'
Bob from the bush: 'Gaan f*** yourself!'
Jim immediately breaks the call and puts out the following message: 'Ladies and gents, this is a family show and we would appreciate that any future contestants refrain from using such language.'
Forty-five minutes and many unsuccessful contestants later...
Jim: 'Hi, this is Jim at more...

Bill and Steve are enjoying a beer and discussing the possibility of love. "I thought I was in love three times," Bill says.
"Thought?" Steve asks. "What do you mean?"
"Three years ago, I cared very deeply for a woman who wanted nothing to do with me," Bill says.
"Wasn't that love?" Steve asks.
"No, that was obsession," Bill explains. "Then two years ago, I cared very deeply for an attractive woman who didn't understand me."
"Wasn't that love?" asks Steve.
"No, that was lust," Bill replies. "And just last year, I met a woman while I was on a cruise. She was gorgeous, intelligent, a great conversationalist and had a super sense of humor. Everywhere I followed her on that ship, I would get a very strange sensation in the pit of my stomach."
"Well, wasn't that love," asks Steve.
"No. That was motion sickness!" Bill replies.

Bill and Steve are enjoying a beer and discussing the possibility of love. "I thought I was in love three times," Bill says.
"Thought?" Steve asks. "What do you mean?"
"Three years ago, I cared very deeply for a woman who wanted nothing to do with me," Bill says.
"Wasn't that love?" Steve asks.
"No, that was obsession," Bill explains. "Then two years ago, I cared very deeply for an attractive woman who didn't understand me."
"Wasn't that love?" asks Steve.
"No, that was lust," Bill replies. "And just last year, I met a woman while I was on a cruise. She was gorgeous, intelligent, a great conversationalist and had a super sense of humor. Everywhere I followed her on that ship, I would get a very strange sensation in the pit of my stomach."
"Well, wasn't that love," asks Steve.
"No. That was motion sickness!" Bill replies.

Bill and Steve are talking one day when Bill says, "I finally went to see the doctor for the pain I've been having in my back."
"So, what happened?" Steve asks.
"Well, first he ran a series of tests," Bill explains. "Then he gave me some pills, told me to stay in bed for a week and sent me home. He also told me to sit down whenever I have to pee. Can you imagine that? A grown man having to sit to pee?"
"Did he say why he wants you to sit to pee?" Steve inquires.
"Well, with my bad back, he doesn't want me lifting anything heavy!" answers Bill.

Bill and Steve were seated next to each other while taking a test. When they had finished, the teacher called them up to her desk. "Sorry boys," she said, "but both of you will be receiving a zero on the test."
"But, why?" they asked.
"Looking over your answers and noting how very alike they are, it is obvious that one of you cheated and the other one let him do it," replied the teacher.
"That could just be a coincidence, Miss Ames," Bill said. "What would make you think we cheated?"
"Well," the teacher replied, "I might have believed it was a coincidence if it wasn't for the fact that when you got to question number 8, Steve wrote 'I don't know' for the answer, and you, Bill, wrote in 'darn, neither do I'."

One day Mary, a mom of 3, was making a pie for her kids. Johnny was 5, steve was 10, and Cortez was 15. Steve had a BB gun and left the box of BBs on on the kitchen table. While Mary was cooking the pie she turned and the box of BBs fell into the pie mix. She decided not to worry about and left them in without tell her children. After dinner, the desert was the pie and every kid had 2 pieces. The next day when they got home johnny went to his mom and say that he peed out little silver balls and Mary told him not to worry about it. Then steve came to her and said the same thing and she told him not to worry about it. Then Cortez came to mary and mary said, "let me guess, you peed out little silver balls." and Cortez said, "No i was jacking off in the kitchen and i think i killed the dog!".

Steve Wozniak was finally booted off'Dancing with The Stars'. Later in the evening, he was rebooted several times.