Stomach Jokes / Recent Jokes

The organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was in charge. Each organ took a turn speaking up:
Brain.... I should be in charge because I run all body functions.
Blood... I should be in charge because I circulate oxygen for the brain.
Stomach... I should be in charge because I process food to the brain.
Legs... I should be in charge because I take the brain where it wants to go.
Eyes... I should be in charge because I let the brain see where it's going.
Asshole... I should be in charge because I get rid of your waste.
All the other parts laughed and made the asshole very mad. To prove his point, the asshole immediately slammed tightly closed and stayed that way for 6 days, refusing to rid the body of any waste whatsoever.
Day 1 - Brain got a terrible headache and cried out for relief.
Day 2 - Stomach got bloated and began to ache terribly.
Day 3 - Legs got cramps and became unstable.
Day 4 - Eyes became more...

A three year old walked over to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in the doctors office. He inquisitively ask the lady, "Why is your stomach so big?" She replied, "Im having a baby." With big eyes, he asked, "Is the baby in your stomach?" She said, "He sure is." Then the little boy, with a puzzled look, asked, "Is it a good baby?" She said, "Oh, yes. It's a real good baby." With an even more surprised and shocked look, he asked..."Then why did you eat him?"

Gregory was a boy who was always beaten up by a bully who everyone called: "The Demon". Everyday, "The Demon" would punch Gregory in the stomach without any warning. And Gregory always got a stomachache.
Now, Gregory wasn't very smart. He often confused things with other things and ended up in trouble. But Gregory didn't know. And Gregory had 7-9 fears and takes them seriously. He has a fear of telling a teacher on someone, so that's a reason why he's letting The Demon punch him.
The doctor told him that if he continued to be punched, that he would get a stomach bruise - which wasn't good at all.
So, Gregory and his father were having a father-to-son conversation about this problem.
"Son, why are you letting 'The Demon' punch you everyday?"
"I dunno dad."
"Well, you can't just let him punch you in the stomach."
"Really, dad?"
"Yes, really."
The next day, Gregory came home with more...

A woman goes into a doctor's office complaining that she has constant pains in her stomach.
The doctor brings her into the examining room and asks, "Well, Ma'am, are you constipated?"
The woman replies, "No, I am not. I go to the bathroom every morning at 8:15, just like clockwork."
The doctor asks, "Every day, are you sure?"
The woman replies, "Yes, I never miss a day, every day at 8:15am I am on the toilet."
Well, the doctor ponders this because obviously the woman is not constipated so he sends her for a battery of tests.
The doctor calls the lady a couple of days later and has her come into his office.
"Well, Ms., I have found the problem it seems that you have 3 tapeworms in your stomach and that is causing you all the discomfort."
The lady looks a little scared and asks, "Well doc, what can we do about it?"
The doctor replies, "Oh, not to worry, just a simple operation to remove more...

There are three bugs in a woman's body. One in the head, stomach, and the pussy. One day they all met in the body somewhere and talked about how their day went. The one in the head and stomach said their day was ok. The bug in the pussy said, "I had the worst day ever. Something pushed me, so I pushed it back. It pushed me again and then I pushed it back. Then it got mad at me and spit on me.

One day the different parts of the body were having anargument to see which should be in charge. The brain said "I do all the thinking so I'm the mostimportant and I should be in charge." The eyes said "I see everything and let the rest of youknow where we are, so I'm the most important and Ishould be in charge." The hands said "Without me we wouldn't be able to pickanything up or move anything. So I'm the most importantand I should be in charge." The stomach said "I turn the food we eat into energy forthe rest of you. Without me, we'd starve. So I'm the mostimportant and I should be in charge." The legs said "Without me we wouldn't be able to moveanywhere. So I'm the most important and I should be incharge." Then the rectum said "I think I should be in charge." All the rest of the parts said "YOU?!? You don't doanything! You're not important! You can't be in charge." So the rectum closed up. After a few days, the more...

Q. Why did the squirrel sleep on his stomach?
A. To keep his nuts warm!
Q. Why did the rooster cross the basketball court?
A. It heard that the referee was blowing fouls.