Stomach Jokes / Recent Jokes
A pregnant woman walks into a bank, and lines up at the first available teller. Just at that moment the bank gets robbed and she is shot three times in the stomach. She gets rushed to the hospital where she gets fixed up.
As she leaves she asks the doctor about her baby. The doctor says, "You're going to have triplets. They're fine but each one has a bullet lodged in its stomach. Don't worry though the bullets will pass through their system through normal metabolism."
As time goes on the woman has three children. Two girls and a boy. Twelve years later, one of the girls comes up to her mother and says, "Mommy, I've done a very weird thing".
Her mother asks her what happened and her daughter replies, "I passed a bullet into the toilet".
The woman comforts her and explains all about the incident at the bank.
A few weeks later, her other daughter comes up to her with tears streaming from her eyes. "Mommy, I've done a very bad more...
Once Two Sikhs Went To Russia. In Order To Test One Sikhs Brain, One Russian Asked Him How Many Slices Of Bread He Could Eat In An Empty Stomach. He Said'Fifteen".
The Russian Said That With The First Piece Of Bread That He Ate His Stomach Was No Longer Empty.
The Sikh Appreciated The Joke And He Went Back To His Friend And Posed The Same Question To Him. He Replied,"Sixteen".
The Other Sikh Said'Oh! If You Had Said' Fifteen' , I Would Have Told You A Good Joke.
Ha! Ha!
A pregnant woman walks into a bank, and lines up at the first available teller. Just at that moment the bank gets robbed and she is shot three times in the stomach. She gets rushed to the hospital where she gets fixed up.
As she leaves she asks the doctor about her baby.
The doctor says, "You're going to have triplets. They're fine but each one has a bullet lodged in its stomach. Don't worry though the bullets will pass through their system through normal metabolism."
As time goes on the woman has three children. Two girls and a boy.
Twelve years later, one of the girls comes up to her mother and says, "Mommy, I've done a very weird thing".
Her mother asks her what happened and her daughter replies, "I passed a bullet into the toilet".
The woman comforts her and explains all about the incident at the bank.
A few weeks later, her other daughter comes up to her with tears streaming from her eyes.
"Mommy, I've done a very more...
Farmer Jones, a fruit farmer, was experimenting with hybriding pears and developed a tree that produced a fruit which looked exactly like a vagina, and had a very delicious taste.
People in the community soon caught wind of this and the farmer was having problems keeping people from picking fruit from the tree. One day, he found a 14 year old boy who had climbed up into the tree in order to pick and eat some of the fruit. The boy had gotten stuck between two of the branches. The farmer got the boy loose, scolded him, and sent him on his way.
A few weeks later, the boy was suffering from incredible stomach pains. His parents took him to the doctor, who did a thorough exam. The doctor asked the boy if he had eaten any fruit seeds because, incredibly, there was a fruit tree growing in his stomach. The boy explained that he had eaten some fruit from a strange fruit tree owned by farmer Jones. The doctor said that he could perform surgery and remove the tree.
Once the boy's more...
*Panama hats come from Ecuador not Panama.
*Human birth control pills work on gorillas.
*In England, the Speaker of the House is not allowed to speak.
*S. O. S. doesn't stand for "Save Our Ship" or "Save Our Souls" -- It was chosen by an 1908 international conference on Morse Code because the letters S and O were easy to remember and just about anyone could key it and read it, S = dot dot dot, O = dash dash dash.
*Crickets hear through their knees.
*A' jiffy' is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.
*The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.
*Heroin is the brand name of morphine once marketed by Bayer.
*U. S. Interstates which go north-south are numbered sequentially starting from the west with odd numbers, and Interstates which go east-west are numbered sequentially starting from the south with even numbers.
*According to Genesis 1: 20-22 the more...
40 MISTAKES MEN MAKE WHILE HAVING SEX WITH WOMEN.....
1) NOT KISSING FIRST.
Avoiding her lips and diving straight for the erogenous zones makes her feel
like you're paying by the hour and trying to get your money's worth by
cutting out nonessentials. A proper passionate kiss is the ultimate form of
foreplay.
2) BLOWING TOO HARD IN HER EAR.
Admit it, some kid at school told you girls love this. Well, there's a
difference between being erotic and blowing as if you're trying to
extinguish the candles on your 50th birthday cake. That hurts.
3) NOT SHAVING.
You often forget you have a porcupine strapped to your chin which your rake
repeatedly across your partner's face and thighs. When she turns her head
from side to side, it's not passion, it's avoidance.
4) SQUEEZING HER BREAST.
Most men act like a housewife testing a melon for ripeness when they get
their hand on a pair. Stroke, more...
Take notes, all you Casanovas...
1) NOT KISSING FIRST. Avoiding her lips and diving straight for the erogenous zones makes her feel like you're paying by the hour and trying to get your money's worth by cutting out nonessentials. A properly passionate kiss is the ultimate form of foreplay.
2) BLOWING TOO HARD IN HER EAR. Admit it, some kid at school told you girls love this. Well, there's a difference between being erotic and blowing as if you're trying to extinguish the candles on your 50th birthday cake. That hurts.
3) NOT SHAVING. You often forget you have a porcupine strapped to your chin which you rake repeatedly across your partner's face and thighs. When she turns her head from side to side, it's not passion, it's avoidance.
4) SQUEEZING HER BREAST. Most men act like a housewife testing a melon for ripeness when they get their hands on a pair. Stroke, caress, and smooth them.
5) BITING HER NIPPLES. Why do men fasten onto a woman's nipples, then clamp more...