Stomach Jokes / Recent Jokes

The stomach expands to accommodate the amount of junk food available.

All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was in charge.
The brain said: "I should be in charge, because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."
"I should be in charge," said the heart, "because I pump the blood and circulate oxygen all over the body, so without me you'd all waste away."
"I should be in charge," said the stomach, "because I process food and give all of you energy."
"I should be in charge," said the rectum, "because I'm responsible for waste removal."
All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight. Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, and the blood was toxic. Eventually the other organs gave in. They all agreed that the rectum should be the boss.
The moral of the story?
You don't have to be smart or important to be in more...

"Tell me something," asked Joe "how many cookies can you eat on an empty stomach, Pete?"

Pete thought for a while and answered, "Five, I think!"

"Wrong," said Joe, "because your stomach is no longer empty after you've eaten your first one. So the other four don't count! Gotcha, ha, ha!"

Pete, the dud, was impressed. I must try it on my wife, he thought to himself.

"Honey, how many cookies can you eat on an empty stomach?"

"Two", came the answer.

"Aw shucks, hon. If you had said five, I would have told you a nice one!"

A man with a bad stomach complaint goes to his local doctor and asks him what he can do. The doctor replies that the illness is quite serious but can be cured with a small course of two suppositories inserted deep up the back passage. The man agrees, and so the doctor warns him of the pain, tells him to bend over, and shoves the thing way up his behind. The doctor then hands him the second dose and tells him to do the same thing in six hours time using rubber gloves and KY-Jelly or something.
So, the man goes home and later that evening tries to get the second suppository inserted, but he finds he cannot reach himself properly to obtain the required depth. Thus, he calls his wife over and tells her what to do. The wife nods, puts one hand on his shoulder to steady him and with the other shoves the medicine home. Suddenly the man screams in disgust. "What's the matter?" asked his wife. "Did I hurt you?"
"No," replies the man, "but I just more...

One day the different parts of the body were having an argument to see which should be in charge.

The brain said "I do all the thinking so I'm the most important and I should be in charge."

The eyes said "I see everything and let the rest of you know where we are, so I'm the most important and I should be in charge."

The hands said "Without me we wouldn't be able to pick anything up or move anything. So I'm the most important and I should be in charge."

The stomach said "I turn the food we eat into energy for the rest of you. Without me, we'd starve. So I'm the most important and I should be in charge."

The legs said "Without me we wouldn't be able to move anywhere. So I'm the most important and I should be in charge."

Then the rectum said "I think I should be in charge."

All the rest of the parts said "YOU?!? You don't do anything! You're not more...

When the Lord made Man, all the parts of the body argued over who would be the Boss.
The Brain explained that since he controlled all the parts of the body, he should be Boss. The Legs argued that since they took the Man wherever he wanted to go, he should be the Boss.
The Stomach countered with the explanation that since he digested all the food, he should be the boss.
The Eyes said that without them, Man would be helpless, so they should be Boss.
Then the Ass Hole applied for the Job. The other parts of the body laughed so hard that the ass hole became mad and closed up.
After a few days the Brain went foggy, the Legs got wobbly, the Stomach got ill, the Eyes got crossed and were unable to see.
They all finally conceded and made the Ass Hole Boss.
This proves you don't have to be a Brain to be Boss...Just an Ass Hole.

3 pregnant women were waiting in the doctor's waiting room for an antenatalcheck-up and were all knitting garments for there respective babies. Suddnely the first expectant mother stops knitting, checks her watch, pulls a bottle of pills from her handbag and takes one..."What was that?", the other two ask, curiously." Calcium tablet. Good for mommy, good for little baby", she replies, pattingher stomach affectionately. Satisfied, all 3 continue with their knitting... 5 minutes later, the second one stops knitting, checks her watch, takes abottle of pills from her handbag and takes one.." What was that?", the other two enquire"Vitamin tablet", she replies, "Good for mommy, good for little baby" andshe pats her stomach affectionately. All 3 smile and continue busily with their knitting... 5 minutes later, the last woman stops knitting, checks her watch, takes abottle of pills from her handbag and takes one.." What was that?" more...