Stop Jokes / Recent Jokes
You don't stop laughing because you grow old; you grow old because you stop laughing.
There was a blonde walking down
a sidewalk and she saw a sign say stop.
She did not see a car so she crossed the street. When she got to the other
side a man said you could of caused a wreck! Why did you not stop? The
blonde said I would of stopped but
Im not in a car.
A Nihang decided to stop an express train at a non-stop station. He stood in the middle of the railtrack brandishing his kirpan and spear and yelling defiance at the oncoming train. A crowd watched the confrontation with bated breath.
When the engine driver noticed the Nihang on the track and realised he would not be able to stop the train in time; he blew his whistle as frantically as he could. Just as the engine was almost upon him, the Nihang jumped aside and let the train pass.
'What happened, Nihangji?' asked the onlookers.' Did you take fright?'
'Never!' replied the Nihang with bravado.' You see how I made it scream [cheekaan kaddh dittiyan!). A Nihang never kills anyone who cries for mercy.'
A few days after Christmas a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her son playing with is new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said "All of you sons of bitches who want off get the hell off now' cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on get your asses in the train' cause we are leaving."
The mother went in and told her son "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS! When you come out you may play with your train but I want you to use nice language."
Two hours later the son comes out of the bedroom, and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say "All passengers who are disembarking the train please remember to take all your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride more...
Defense Attorney: "Would you please state your age to the court for the record."
Little Old Lady: "I am 86 years old."
Defense Attorney: "Will you tell us in your own words, what happened to you on the night in question."
Little Old Lady: "There I was sitting on my porch swing on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up the porch stairs and sits down beside me."
Defense Attorney: "Did you know him?"
Little Old Lady: "No, but he sure was friendly."
Defense Attorney: "Then what happened after he sat down beside you?"
Little Old Lady: "Well, he started to rub my thighs."
Defense Attorney: "Did you stop him?"
Little Old Lady: "No, I didn't."
Defense Lawyer: "Why not?"
Little Old Lady: "It felt good. Nobody has done that since my Dan passed away 30 years ago."
Defense Attorney: "Then what more...
A butcher is working, and really busy. He notices a dog in his shop and shoos him away. Later, he notices the dog is back again. He walks over to the dog, and notices the dog has a note in his mouth. The butcher takes the note, and it reads, "Can I have 12 sausages and a leg of lamb, please." The butcher looks, and lo and behold, in the dog's mouth, there is a ten dollar bill. So the butcher takes the money, puts the sausages and lamb in a bag, and places it in the dog's mouth. The butcher is very impressed, and since it's closing time, he decides to close up shop and follow the dog. So, off he goes. The dog is walking down the street and comes to a crossing. The dog puts down the bag, jumps up and presses the crossing button. Then he waits patiently, bag in mouth, for the lights to change. They do, and he walks across the road, with the butcher following. The dog then comes to a bus stop, and starts looking at the timetable. The butcher is in awe at this stage. The dog more...
Defense Attorney: What is your age?
Little Old Woman: I am 86 years old.
Defense Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened to you?
Little Old Woman: There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.
Defense Attorney: Did you know him?
Little Old Woman: No, but he sure was friendly.
Defense Attorney: What happened after he sat down beside you?
Little Old Woman: He started to rub my thigh.
Defense Attorney: Did you stop him?
Little Old Woman: No, I didn't stop him.
Defense Attorney: Why not?
Little Old Woman: It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Abner passed away some 30 years ago.
Defense Attorney: What happened next?
Little Old Woman: He began to rub my breasts.
Defense Attorney: Did you stop him then?
Little Old Woman: No, I did not stop him.
Defense Attorney: Why not?
Little Old Woman: more...