Store Jokes / Recent Jokes

I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specific.

Two fellows are running a store and decide to have a big blow-out clearance sale. Within 3 hours, everything is sold from the store. The one fellow says to the other,' Well, what now? We've sold everything.'

The other replies,' Dont worry, there's this newfie who comes in here everyday. We'll have a few laughs on him.'

Sure enough, about 15 minutes later, newf comes walking in, hands in pockets, looking around.' Tell me lads', asks the newfie,' what have ya for sale today?'

One of the fellows says,' Well we're having a sale on arseholes!'

Newfie says,' Well ya must be doing pretty good, ya only got two left!'

A woman entered a department store and told the clerk that she wanted to return a coffee maker for refund because it didn't work. The clerk told her that he couldn't give her a refund because she bought it on special.
All of a sudden the woman threw her arms up and yelled, "Grab my Breasts! Grab my breasts!"
The clerk didn't know what to do, so he called the store manager who asked her if he could help.
She explained that she wanted to return the coffee maker for refund because it didn't work, and he told her that he would not give her a refund because she bought it on special.
Once again she yelled, "Grab my breasts! Grab my breasts!"
The manager was taken aback and asked her why she was yelling that particular phrase.
She replied, "Because I like my breasts grabbed when I'm getting screwed!"

A blonde walks into an electronics store and asks the guy at the counter if she could buy this toaster, pointing to it. The guy sais No, because your blonde. So she comes back the next day after changing her hair colour. She asks if she cane buy a taster, pointing to it. The guy sais No, because your blonde. She does the same thing the next day and gets the same reply, so she asks the guy How can you tell im blonde? The guy sais Thats not a toaster, its a microwave!

A monastery decided to start a fish and chips store. When the store opened, a client comes in, and asks one of the clerics: are you the fish fryer? Oh, no, the cleric answers, I'm the chip monk!

Sam was a clerk in a small drugstore, but wasn't much of a salesman since he could never find the items the customers wanted. The store owner warned him that the next sale he missed would be his last.
Just then, a man came in coughing and asked Sam for their best cough syrup. As usual, Sam couldn't find any cough syrup. Remembering what his boss had said, he sold the man a box of Ex-Lax and told him to take the entire box all at once. The customer immediately consumed the entire box in the store, went outside and leaned against a pole.
Having seen the whole thing, the owner came over and asked Sam what had happened.
"The man wanted something for his cough, but I couldn't find the cough syrup," Sam explained. "I substituted it with Ex-Lax and told him to take all of it at once."
"You idiot!" shouted the angry owner. "Ex-Lax won't cure a cough!"
"Really?" Sam replied, pointing to the customer leaning against the pole. more...

50 things to do at Walmart
1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.
2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.
3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
4. Start playing Calvin ball; see how many people you can get to join in.
5. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.
6. Challenge other customers to deuls with tubes of gift wrap.
7. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.
8. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
9. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially down thin narrow aisles.
10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a code 3 in Housewares," and see what happens.
11. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volume up to 10!
12. Play with the automatic more...