Straight Jokes / Recent Jokes

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A man and a woman have just finished shagging when suddenly a bee flies in the bedroom window and zooms straight up the woman's love tunnel.
'Oh God!' she screams.' Help me! There's a bee up my vagina and it's buzzing around in there (albeit rather pleasurably)!'
'Let's go says her mate, I'll rush you straight to hospital!'
On arrival at the emergency room the agitated couple are ushered into a curtained-off area by a male doctor.
' What seems to be the problem?' he asks.
'I've got a frigging bee up my vagina' screams the woman.' Get it out!'
'I see,' says the doctor.'Well, there's only one way to extract this bee. I'm going to have to spread honey on my nob and entice it out.'
The doctor gets out his old fella and dunks it in a jar of honey he just happens to have with him. He then mounts the woman and penetrates her with his sticky sweet love stick.
'Just an inch or two should do it,' he says.
After a few seconds he more...

A confused nine year old boy asks his mother, "Is God male or female?"
After thinking for a moment, his mother responds, "God is both male and
female."

This confuses the little boy, so he asks, "Is God black or white?"
She responds along the same line, "God is both black and white."

This further confuses the boy so he asks, "Is God gay or straight?"
The mother becomes concerned, but answers none the less, "Honey, God is both
gay and straight."

At this the boy's face lights up with understanding and he triumphantly asks,
"Is Michael Jackson God?"

Why did the Romans build straight roads? So their soldiers didnt go around the bend!

Three friends -- two straight guys and a gay guy -- and their significant others were on a cruise. A tidal wave came up and swamped the ship; they all drowned.

They each had to come before St. Peter to be admitted into heaven.

First came one of the straight guys and his wife.
St. Peter shook his head sadly.
"I can't let you in. You loved money too much.
You loved it so much, you even married a woman named Penny."

Then came the second straight guy.
"Sorry, can't let you in, either." said St. Peter. "You loved food too much. You loved to eat so much, you even married a woman named Candy!"

The gay guy turned to his boyfriend and whispered nervously...
"It's not looking good for us Dick."

A husband and wife love to golf together, but neither of them areplaying like they want to, so they decide to take private lessons. The husband has his lesson first. After the pro sees his swing, hesays, "No no, no, you're gripping the club way too hard!""Well, what should I do?" asks the man. "Hold the club gently," the pro replied, "just like you'd hold your wife's breast." The man takes the advice, takes a swing, and POW! He hits the ball250 yds. straight up the fairway. The man goes back to his wifewith the good news, and the wife can't wait for her lesson. The next day the wife goes for her lesson. The pro watches herswing and says, "No, no, no, you're gripping the club way too hard." "What can I do?" asks the wife." Hold the club gently, just like you'd hold your husband's penis." The wife listens carefully to the pro's advice, takes a swing, andTHUMP. The ball goes straight down the fairway.. . about 15 ft. more...

The new hooker just finished her first trick.
When she came back down to the street, the
seasoned veterans all gathered around to hear the
details.
She said "well, he was a big muscular and
handsome marine".
"Well, what did he want to do?" they all asked.
She said " I told him that a straight lay was
$100, but he said he didn't have that much". "So
I told him a blow job would be $75, but he didn't
have that much either". "Finally I said, well,
how much do you have"?
The marine said that he only had $25.
The new hooker said "well, for $25 all I can give
you is a hand job"
He agreed and after getting the finances
straight, she said " he pulled it out and I put
one hand on it, and then the second hand above
the first and then the first hand above the
second hand....."
"Oh my god" they all exclaimed, "it more...

If a straight line fit is required, obtain only two data points.