Street Jokes / Recent Jokes

A lady walking down the street one day saw a man walking towards her. The man was talking to himself, waving his arms around his head and jumping up and down three times. He repeated this several times. The lady asked the man what he was doing? The man replied I am keeping the pink elephants away.
The lady replied, "Why? There are no pink elephants around here."

The man replied, "I know, works great doesn't it?"

A drunk walks into a bar and says to the bartender (with a drunken slur), "Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill."
The bartender does just as the drunk requested and hands the man a bill for $57.00.
The drunk says, "I haven't got it."
The bartender gets angry and throws him out into the street.
The very next day the same drunk walks into the bar and once again says (with a drunken slur), "Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill."
The bartender looks at the guy and figures to himself that he can't possibly be stupid enough to pull the same trick twice, so he gives him the benefit of the doubt, pours a round of drinks for the house, has a drink himself and hands the drunk a bill for $67.00.
The drunk says, "I haven't got it."
The bartender can't believe it. He gets furious, picks the guy up and hurls him out into the more...

There's a man trying to cross the street. As he steps off the curb a car comes screaming around the corner and heads straight for him.
The man walks faster, trying to hurry across the street, but the car changes lanes and is still coming at him. So the guy turns around to go back, but the car changes lanes again and continues in his direction.
By now, the car is so close and the man so scared that he just freezes and stops in the middle of the road.
The car gets really close, then swerves at the last possible moment and screeches to a halt right next him. The driver rolls down the window. The driver is a squirrel.
The squirrel says to the man says, "See, it's not as easy as it looks, is it?"

A drunk walks into a bar and says to the bartender (with a drunken slur), "Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill."
The bartender does just as the drunk requested and hands the man a bill for $57.00.
The drunk says, "I haven't got it."
The bartender gets angry and throws him out into the street.
The very next day the same drunk walks into the bar and once again says (with a drunken slur), "Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill."
The bartender looks at the guy and figures to himself that he can't possibly be stupid enough to pull the same trick twice, so he gives him the benefit of the doubt, pours a round of drinks for the house, has a drink himself and hands the drunk a bill for $67.00.
The drunk says, "I haven't got it."
The bartender can't believe it. He gets furious, picks the guy up and hurls him out into the more...

There's a man trying to cross the street. As he steps off the curb a car comes screaming around the corner and heads straight for him. The man walks faster, trying to hurry across the street, but the car changes lanes and is still coming at him.
So the guy turns around to go back, but the car changes lanes again and is still coming at him.
By now, the car is so close and the man so scared that he just freezes and stops in the middle of the road.
The car gets real close, then swerves at the last possible moment and screeches to a halt right next him.
The driver rolls down the window.
The driver is a squirrel.
The squirrel says to the man, "See, it's not as easy as it looks, is it?"

A drunk walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill." So, the bartender does just that, and hands the man the bill. The drunk says, "I haven't got it." The bartender slaps the guy around a few times then throws him out into the street. The very next day, the same drunk walks into the bar and once again says, "Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill." The bartender figures that he can't possibly be stupid enough to pull the same trick twice, so he gives him the benefit of the doubt. He pours a round of drinks for the house, has a drink himself, and hands the drunk the bill. Again, the drunk says, "I haven't got it." The bartender can't believe it. He picks the guy up, beats the living daylights out of him, then throws him out into the street. The next day, the same drunk walks back into the same bar and says, "Bartender, buy more...

A mathematician, biologist and physicist are sitting in a street cafewatching people going in and coming out of the house on the other sideof the street.First they see two people going into the house.Time passes.After a while they notice three persons coming out of the house.The physicist says: "The measurement wasn`t accurate."The biologist concludes: "They have reproduced."The mathematician says: "Now if another person enters the house, it`llbe empty again."