Street Jokes / Recent Jokes

A rabbi and a priest had been lifelong childhood friends. The priest was always trying to covert the rabbi throughout their entire friendship. One day the Rabbi was across the street from the priest and they were meeting up at the cross walk. When the rabbi crossed the street a car came racing by and knocked the rabbi to the ground. As the rabbi got up the priest saw the rabbi cross himself. The priest came racing to his friend's aid and stated "I knew it! When the time came you would convert!" The Rabbi had no idea what the priest was talking about. The priest said "when you got up from the ground you crossed yourself. I knew when the time came and you were close to death you would see my way and convert. The rabbi proclaimed, "I did not cross myself. I was checking I had everything important.
Spectacles, testicles, wallet and watch!!!

A man is walking down the street when he sees a sign in the window of a travel agency that says CRUISES - $100. He goes into the agency and hands the guy $100. The travel agent then whacks him over the head with a baseball bat and throws him in the river. Another man is walking down the street a half hour later, sees the sign and pays the guy $100. The travel agent then whacks him with the baseball bat and throws him in the river. Sometime later, the two men are floating down the river together and the first man asks, "Do you think they'll serve any food on this cruise?" The second man says, "I don't think so. They didn't do it last year."

A rabbi and a priest operated a synagogue and a church across the street from each other. Since their schedules intertwined, they decided to go in together to purchase a car.
They bought the car, drove it home, and parked it on the street between them.
Several minutes later, the rabbi looked out and observed the priest sprinkling water on their new car. It didn't need a wash, so he rushed out and asked the priest what he was doing. "I'm blessing it," the priest explained.
The rabbi considered this a moment, then went back inside the synagogue. Reappearing a few moments later with a hacksaw, he promptly walked over to the back of the car and cut off two inches of the tailpipe.

A new bellringer was needed for Notre Dame Cathedral to replace Quasimoto, the hunchback. The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up to the belfry to begin the screening process. After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills, he decided to call it a day when a lone, armless man approached him and announced that he was there to apply for the bellringer's job. The bishop was incredulous. "You have no arms!" "No matter," said the man, "Observe!" He then began striking the bells with his face, producing a beautiful melody on the carillon. The bishop listened in astonishment, convinced that he had finally found a suitable replacement for Quasimodo. Suddenly, rushing forward to strike a bell, the armless man tripped and plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death in the street below. The stunned bishop ran down the long series of steps to the bottom of the cathedral, then rushed out to the man's side. more...

Two men were sitting next to each other at a bar.
After a while, one guy looks at the other and says, ''I can't help but think, from listening to you, that you're from Ireland.''
The other guy responds proudly, ''Yes, that I am!''
The first guy says, ''So am I! And where about from
Ireland might you be?''
The other guy answers, ''I'm from Dublin, I am.''
The first guy responds, ''Sure and begora, and so am I!
And what street did you live on in Dublin?''
The other guy says, ''A lovely little area it was, I lived on McCleary Street in the old central part of town.''
The first guy says, ''Faith & it's a small world, so did I!
And to what school would you have been going?''
The other guy answers, ''Well now, I went to St. Mary's of course.''
The first guy gets really excited, and says, ''And so did I. Tell me, what year did you graduate?''
The other guy answers, ''Well, now, I graduated in 1964.''
The first guy exclaims, ''The Good more...

A client who felt his legal bill was too high asked his lawyer to itemize costs. The statement included this item: "Was walking down the street and saw you on the other side. Walked to the corner to cross at the light, crossed the street and walked quickly to catch up with you. Got close and saw it wasn't you. -$50. 00."

I never watch Sesame Street. I already know most of that stuff.