Street Jokes / Recent Jokes

One day, there was this lady walking up the street, she was dressed in her best outfit because she was about to visit her fian-ce. As she walked through the park, she saw some guys, they said "hey miss, nice dress you got there", "thanks" she replied... so she kept walking
When she was about to turn inher boyfriend's street, she saw her worse enemy, it was a tall, totally hot model, and she though "damn, here she comes" the model waved at her and approached her rapidly... and she said "hey nice dress you have there!" she was surprised at her kindness and said in a low voice "thank you, nice dress you have too"
the model said, "oh yes, i know". Then she kept walking... and left her sight

The olympian skier Picabo Street now works in the Intensive Care Unit at a hospital. Unfortunately, the administration told her she can no longer answer the phone, because this is what she said, "Picabo ICU" (Peek-a-boo, I see you)

There is three girls who are dead and they're waiting to get into heaven. Well the man at the gates said, " there was a shootout down on thirty fourth street and we have to send a few people down to he**.Plus, you girls' records are toooooooo clean, if you can go back to earth and do the worst thing possible in 6 hours, i will let all of you in." with that they were sent back down to earth and they only had 5 hrs and 55 min to do the worst thing possible. The first girl robbed the bank on 33rd street and the second girl killed her father. when they went back up to heaven the man asked them what they did the first girl replyed, " i robbed the bank on 33rd street." so he let her drink the holy water and go into heaven. Next he asked the second girl what she did and she replyed, "i killed my father." The man was blown away but he let her drink the water and go into heaven. Last he asked the remaining girl what she did and she said, "I peed in the holy more...

While walking through a courthouse, a kid enters an empty courtroom. He sees a fine leather briefcase (the kind the lawyers carry) sitting on the table, picks it up and exits through the back door of the courtroom into the judge's chambers. And who should be sitting there - the judge.

Judge: "Hey kid, are you familiar with the liquor store across the street from the courthouse?"

Kid: "Yeah?"

Judge: "Good, I want you to go across the street and steal me a bottle of booze." The kid runs across the street, enters the liquor store, and when the proprietor is not looking, slips a fifth into the briefcase and brings it back to the judge. The judge immediately opens the bottle and swigs half of it.

Judge: "Hey kid, I need you to run another errand. There's a contractor, Slapdash Construction, next to the liquor store. Go to them and tell them that the judge sent you. They'll give you a brown paper bag. Bring it more...

Two gas men were out checking meters in a residential neighborhood one day. They parked the truck at the end of the street and worked their way up the street. At the last house, a woman watched from her kitchen window as they checked her meter.Finally finishing their work, the older man, a supervisor, challenged the younger man, his trainee, to a race back to their truck, wanting to prove that an older man could still beat a younger man.They raced back to the truck, with the supervisor holding a lead, when they noticed that the woman from the last house was racing up behind them. They stopped until she caught up and asked what was wrong.As she gasped for breath, she said, "When I saw you two gas men running as hard as you could, I figured I'd better run too!"

A Rabbi is walking slowly out of a Shul in New York when a gust of wind blows his hat down the street. He is an old man with a cane and can't walk fast enough to catch his hat. Across the street a man sees what has happened and rushes over to grab the hat and returns it to the Rabbi. "I don't think I would have been able to catch my hat." the Rabbi says. "Thank you very much." The Rabbi places his hand on his shoulder and says, "May God bless you."
The young man thinks to himself, "I've been blessed by the Rabbi, this must be my lucky day!" So he goes to the racetrack and in the first race he sees there is a horse named Stetson at 20 to 1. He bets $50 and sure enough the horse comes in first. In the second race he sees a horse named Fedora at 30 to 1 so he bets it all and this horse comes in first also. Finally at the end of the day he returns home to his wife who asks him where he's been. He explains how he caught the Rabbi's hat and was more...

The following is taken from a Florida newspaper:
A man was working on his motorcycle on his patio and his wife was in the house in the kitchen. The
man was racing the engine on the motorcycle and somehow, the motorcycle slipped into gear. The man,
still holding the handlebars, was dragged through a glass patio door and the motorcycle dumped onto
the floor inside the house.
The wife, hearing the crash, ran into the dining room, and found her husband laying on the floor, cut
and bleeding, the motorcycle laying next to him and the patio door shattered. The wife ran to the
phone and summoned an ambulance.
Because they lived on a fairly large hill, the wife went down the several flights of long steps to
the street to direct the paramedics to her husband.
After the ambulance arrived and transported the husband to the hospital, the wife uprighted the
motorcycle and pushed it outside. Seeing that gas had spilled on the floor, the wife more...