Strength Jokes / Recent Jokes

One day three men were walking along and came upon a raging, violent river. They needed to get to the other side, but had no idea of how to do it. The first man prayed to God saying, "Please God, give me the strength to cross this river." Poof! God gave him big arms and strong legs, and he was able to swim across the river in about two hours. Seeing this, the second man prayed to God saying, "Please God, give me the strength and ability to cross this river." Poof! God gave him a rowboat and he was able to row across the river in about three hours. The third man had seen how this worked out for the other two, so he also prayed to God saying, "Please God, give me the strength, ability, and intelligence to cross this river." And Poof! God turned him into a woman. She looked at the map, then walked across the bridge.

A Man Was Brought In To The Hospital Intensive Care Unit Ward, Put In A Bed Tubes Coming Out Everywhere. A Week Later, Another Man Was Admitted, In A Similar Condition.

Both Lay There, Machines Pinging, Tubes Poking Etc. A Couple More Weeks Before One Of Them Had The Strength To Raise His Hand And Point To Himself And Say, "Bengali."

The Other Patient Signalled He Had Heard, Raised His Own Hand, And Said, "Punjabi."

This Act Tired Them Out So Badly It Was A Week Before The First Summoned Up The Strength To Say, "Calcutta."

Other Replied In A Weedy Frail Voice, "Ludhiana."

Once More, The Strain Was Too Much For Them Both And They Passed Out. Days Passed Before The First Patient Managed To Again Point To Himself And Say, "Asit."

Replied The Other, "Santa."

A Few Hours Later, Asit Managed To Point To Himself Again And Rasp Out Weakly, more...

A strong, young man at a construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen, Maurice. After several minutes, Maurice had enough.
"Why don't you put your money where your mouth is?" he said. "I'll bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won't be able to wheel back."
"You're on, old man," the braggart replied. "It's a bet! Let's see what you got."
Maurice reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, "All right. Get in!"

Three animals in a bar was having a huge argument over who was the best.
The first animal, a hawk, claimed that because of his ability to fly, he could attack anything repeatedly from above, and his prey had hardly a chance.
The second, a lion, based his claim on his strength. No one in the jungle dared to challenge him, King of the Jungle.
The third, a skunk, insisted he needed neither flight nor strength to frighten off any creature with his unique arsenal.
As the three debated the issue, a grizzly bear came along and swallowed them all; hawk, lion and stinker!

Three animals were having a hugeargument over who was the best.The first, a hawk, claimed that because of his ability to fly, he could attack anything repeatedly from above, and his prey had hardly a chance.The second, a lion, based his claim on his strength. No animal in the forest dared to challenge him.The third, a skunk, insisted he needed neither flight nor strength to frighten off any animal using his unique arsenal.As the trio debated the issue, a grizzly bear came along and swallowed them all: hawk, lion, and stinker!

[San Jose Mercury News]
An unidentified man, using a shotgun like a club to break a former girlfriend's windshield, accidentally shot himself to death when the gun discharged, blowing a hole in his gut.
Ken Charles Barger, 47, accidentally shot himself to death in December in Newton, N. C., when, awakening to the sound of a ringing telephone beside his bed, he reached for the phone but grabbed instead a Smith & Wesson . 38 Special, which discharged when he drew it to his ear.
A terrible diet and room with no ventilation are being blamed for the death of a man who was killed by his own gas. There was no mark on his body but autopsy showed large amounts of methane gas in his system.
His diet had consisted primarily of beans and cabbage (and a couple of other things). It was just the right combination of foods. It appears that the man died in his sleep from breathing from the poisonous cloud that was hanging over his bed. Had he been outside or had his windows been more...

Once again it is time to start thinking about casting your vote for the 1998
Darwin Award winner! As you may already know, the Darwin Awards
are for those nominees who contribute to the gene pool by dying in
spectacularly stupid ways before they breed (thankfully). The 1998 nominees
are:

NOMINEE No. 1 [San Jose Mercury News]: An unidentified man, using
a shotgun like a club to break a former girlfriend's windshield,
accidentally
shot himself to death when the gun discharged, blowing a hole in his gut.
NOMINEE No. 2: [Kalamazoo Gazette] James Burns, 34, (a mechanic) of
Alamo, Mich., was killed in March as he was trying to repair what police
described as a "farm-type truck." Burns got a friend to drive the truck on a
highway while Burns hung underneath so that he could ascertain the source
of a troubling noise. Burns' clothes caught on something, however, and
the other man found Burns "wrapped in more...