Stripes Jokes / Recent Jokes

There was a Zebra and he wanted to know if he was white with black stripes or black with white stripes.
So the zebra asked this man and said "Am I white with black stripes or am I black with white stripes?"
The man said that he was not shure and to ask God, so he did.
Then God said that "you are what you are."
The next day the first man asked what God said.
So the zebra told him that the God said "I am what I am", and the man said that he was white with black stripes.
So the zebra said that if I was black with white stripes I would be I is what I is.

Bubba and Earl got promoted from Privates to Sergeants. Shortly after, they were out walking when Bubba said, "Hey, Earl, there's the NCO Club. Let's go in and have us a drank."
"But we's privates," protested Earl. Pointing out their stripes, Bubba replied, "No we ain't Earl, we's Sergeants now!"
They went in and ordered their drinks. A few minutes later, a hooker walked up to Bubba and said, "You're real cute. I'd love to take you somewhere and make you feel real good, but I've got a bad case of gonorrhea."
Bubba pulled Earl closer and whispered, "Quick, go look in the dictionary and see what that gon-o-rea means. If it's good, give me the okay sign."
Earl came back and gave Bubba the okay sign. A couple of weeks later, Bubba was in the infirmary with a case of gonorrhea. "Earl," he said, "why'd you gimme the okay fer?"
"Bubba, in the dictionary it says gonorrhea only affects the privates. more...

"Convicted felon Martha Stewart met with her probation officer yesterday. She even had to give a urine sample, in which she tested positive for nutmeg." -Jimmy Kimmel
"Martha Stewart published her recipe for disaster -- mix one part arrogance with two parts incompetence, simmer in the juices and then serve hot in the can." -Jay Leno
"Tough times for Martha Stewart. Yesterday, Martha Stewart reported to her parole officer and had to take a mandatory urine test for cocaine and marijuana. Martha was found to be drug-free and her urine was found to be a lovely yellow saffron." -Conan O'Brien
"Martha Stewart was convicted of four counts of lying and obstruction of justice and could serve up to 20 years in Congress." -Craig Kilborn
"Martha Stewart was found guilty on all charges. You know what that means, stripes are in this year." -Jay Leno
"Earlier today, the jury at the Martha Stewart trial reached a verdict. more...

A zebra dies goes to heaven. When checking in, he tells St. Peter,"Say, I have always wanted to know if I am white with black stripes or black with white stripes." St. Peter, "I can't answer that question... but see God walking around over there? Ask him." Zebra to God, "God, am I white with black stripes or black with white stripes?" God looks at the zebra sagely and states, "You are what you are." Frustrated, the zebra returns to St. Peter. What did He say," asks S. P." Oh,," replies the zebra. "He just said,' You are what you are,' and I still don't know whether I'm black with white stripes or white with black stripes." "Oh, that's easy," says S. P. "You are white with black stripes." "How do you know?" asks the zebra. "Well," says S. P., "if you were black with white stripes he would have said' you is what you is.'"

Two good ol’ boys, Bubba and Junior get promoted from Privates to Sergeants.

Not long after, they’re out for a walk and Bubba says, “Hey, Junior - there’s the NCO Club. Let’s you and me stop in and have us a drank. ”

“But we’s privates, ” protests Junior.

“NO, we’s sergeants now, ” says Bubba, pulling him inside

“Now, Junior, I’m gonna sit down and have me a drank. ”

“But, we’s privates, ” says Junior.

“You blind, boy! ” says Bubba, pointing at his stripes. “We’s Sergeants now! ”

So they order their drinks and pretty soon a hooker comes up to Bubba.

“You’re cute, ” she says, “and I’d like to take you someplace and make you feel good - but I’ve got a bad case of gonorrhea. ”

Bubba pulls his friend to the side and whispers, “Junior, go look in the dictionary and see what that gonorrhea means. If it’s good, give me the okay more...

One day the teacher decides to play an animal game. She holds up a picture of a giraffe and asks if anyone knows what it is. No one raises his/her hand. The teacher says "See it's long neck? What animal has a long neck?" Sally holds up her hand and asks if it is a giraffe. "Very good Sally," the teacher replies. Next she holds up a picture of a zebra. None of the students holds up his/her hands. "See the stripes on this animal? What animal has stripes?" Billy holds up his hand and says it is a zebra. "Very good Billy," the teacher replies. Next she holds up a picture of a deer. None of the students recognized the animal." See the big antlers on this animal. What animal has horns like this?" Still no one guesses. "Let me give you another hint, it's something your mother calls your father." Johnny shouts out "I know what it is, it's a horny bastard."

A zebra had died and when he got to Heaven he asked the guard, out of curiosity, if he was white with black strips or black with white strips. The guard said that he would see God roaming around Heaven and the zebra could ask Him. A couple weeks later he finally sees God and asks, "Out of curiosity, am I white with black stripes or black with white strips." God answered, "You are what your are." The zebra was puzzled, but went along anyway. A few days later the zebra sees the guard again. The guard said, "So did you see God? What did he say?" The zebra replied, "Well, he said 'You are what are what your are.'" The guard goes, "Oh, then it means that you are white with black stripes." The zebra asked, "How do you know?" The guard answered, "If you were black with white stripes, He would have said 'You is what you is'."