Stuck Jokes / Recent Jokes
A blonde got lost in her car in a snow storm. She remembered what herdad had once told her. "If you ever get stuck in a snow storm, wait fora snow plow and follow it."Pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it. Shefollowed the plow for about forty five minutes. Finally the driver ofthe truck got out and asked her what she was doing. She explained thather dad had told her if she ever got stuck in the snow, to follow aplow. The driver nodded and said, "Well, I'm done with the Wal-Mart parkinglot, now you can follow me over to K-Mart."
As Joe was trying to pack for vacation, his 3-year-old daughter was having a great time playing on the bed. At one point, she said, "Daddy, look at this," and stuck out two of her fingers. Trying to keep her entertained, he reached out and stuck her fingers in his mouth and said, "Daddy`s gonna eat your fingers!" pretending to eat them before he rushed out of the room again. When Joe returned, his daughter was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face and tears streaming down her face... Joe said, "What`s wrong honey?" Dejected, sad and broken, she looked up at him and said, "Daddy, where`s my booger?
One day a horse and a chicken were playing in the meadow. In the middle of the meadow there was a mud hole. While wildly running around, the horse fell into the mud hole and became stuck. He spied the chicken near by and called for help. Hey, chicken, I'm stuck in the mud hole. Go to the farmer's house for help!' yelled the horse. The chicken took off and ran to the farm house, but the farmer was not home. The chicken saw the farmer's Mercedes in the driveway and decided to drive it out to the meadow to save the horse.
The chicken grabbed a coil of rope, hopped into the Mercedes and drove out to the meadow. Once there, he tied one end of the rope to the Mercedes and tossed the other end to the horse. The chicken hopped back in the Mercedes and pulled the horse from the mud. The horse was very grateful. He said, 'Thanks chicken, if you ever need anything you can count on me.' The chicken replied, 'No problem, Horse,' and both went on their separate ways.
A few weeks later, the more...
A young bloke has started work on a property, and the boss sends him up the back paddocks to do some fencing work, but come evening he's half an hour late. The boss gets on the CB radio to check if he's all right. "I've got a problem, Boss. I'm stuck' ere. I've hit a pig!" "Ah well, these things happen sometimes," the boss says. "Just drag the carcass off the road so nobody else hits it in the dark." "But he's not dead, boss. He's gotten tangled up on the bull bar, and I've tried to untangle him, but he's kicking and squealing, and he's real big boss. I'm afraid he's gonna hurt me!" "Never mind," says the boss. "There's a. 303 under the tarp in the back. Get that out and shoot him. Then drag the carcass off the road and come on home." "Okay, boss." Another half an hour goes by, but there's still not a peep from the young fella. The boss gets back on the CB. "What's the problem, son?" "Well, I did what more...
LUCY AND JAJE WERE PLAYING GOLF FIRST THE FIRST 2 BALS GOT STUCK ON LUCY BOOBS, AND THE SECOND BALL GOT STUCK ON JAKES BALL, AND NOW THEY HAD NO BALLS TO PLAY WITH.
A woman is drying herself after a shower when she suddenly slips over and lands spread legged on the bathroom floor. She tries to stand up again but realizes that she landed so hard that her vagina has stuck to the floor creating such a vacuum that she can't move.
She calls out to her husband for help. He tries with all his strength to lift her up but she won't budge. So he goes next door and gets the neighbor. Both of them are pulling like oxen but she just won't move. She is truly stuck to the floor.
Suddenly the neighbor says, "Why don't we just get a hammer and break the tiles around her legs and lift her that way?"
"Great idea," says the husband, "But let me rub her boobs a little to arouse her."
"Why?" asks a confused neighbor.
"She'll need the lubrication so I can slide her over into the kitchen. The tiles are cheaper in there."
A couple went to church every week, but every week without fail the husband would fall asleep during the sermon.
The wife, being embarrassed by her husband's loud snoring, decided to bring a needle to the next service with her and poke him when he nods off.
The next week when they were in church the husband, as always, fell asleep. When the preacher asked, 'Who created the Earth in 6 days and rested on the 7th?' The wife stuck her husband with the needle and he jumped up and exclaimed, 'Oh my God!' The preacher said, 'That's correct.' And the husband sat down mumbling to himself.
He soon fell asleep again and when the preacher got to the question, 'And who died on the cross to save us from eternal damnation?' The wife stuck her husband again and he jumped up and exclaimed, 'Jesus Christ!' And the preacher said, 'Right again.' With this the husband fell suspicious of his wife and decided to catch her in the act.
The husband pretended to fall asleep while keeping an eye more...