Stuck Jokes / Recent Jokes

You wake up face down on the pavement.
You put your bra on backwards and it fits better.
You call Suicide Prevention and they put you on hold.
You see a ''60 minutes'' news team waiting in your office.
Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.
You want to put on the clothes you wore home from the party and there aren't any.
You turn on the news and they're showing emergency routes out of the city.
Your twin sister forgot your birthday.
You wake up and discover your waterbed broke and then realize that you don't have a waterbed.
Your car horn goes off accidentally and remains stuck as you follow a group of Hell's Angels on the freeway.
Your wife wakes up feeling amorous and you have a headache.
Your boss tells you not to bother to take off your coat.
The bird singing outside your window is a buzzard.
You wake up and your braces are locked together.
You walk to work and find your dress is stuck in the back of more...

As the mom was trying to pack for vacation, her 3-year-old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point, the little girl said, "Mom, look at this," and stuck out two of her fingers.

Trying to keep her entertained, mom reached out and stuck her little girl's fingers in her mouth, pretending to eat them, before rushing out of the room again. When she returned, the tot was standing on the bed with a devastated look on her face! "Mommy, where's my booger?" she asked.

Upon seeing an elderly lady for the drafting of her will, the attorney charged her $100.She gave him a $100 bill, not noticing that it was stuck to another $100 bill.On seeing the two bills stuck together, the ethical question came to the attorney's mind: "Do I tell my partner?"

Q: How many blues musicians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Two. One to go to Chicago because there might be a lightbulb there and the other to play harp.

Q: How many blues musicians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Five. One to screw in the lightbulb, and four to play sad, blue songs about the old, wornout lightbulb.

Q: How many CD player users does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One, but the old bulb keeps getting stustustustustustustustustustuck

Q: How many LP player users does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One, but the old bulb keeps getting stuck... getting stuck... getting stuck...

Q: How many comp. sys. intel readers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 0. 999999875

Q: How many Macintosh engineers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None - it has to be done by a local authorized dealer.

Q: How many Macintosh users does it take to screw in a light more...

This joke involves an elephant who is walking through the jungle. And all of a sudden he falls into a pit and is stuck there. The elephant is stuck in this pit and realizes that he is going to die, so naturally he start to scream.
By chance a chicken hears the screaming of the elephant and decides to investigate. He sees the elephant stuck in the pit and shouts to the elephant: “Don’t worry, I am going to save you”.
The chicken then calls on the King of the Jungle. The King of the Jungle promptly arrives in his Red Porsche. He throws a rope from the Porsche into the pit, the elephant ties it around himself and the King of the Jungle pulls him out of the pit. The elephant is saved (loud applause).
So grateful is the elephant to the chicken that he promises him that he will one day do the same for him (if the chicken should ever be in mortal danger). As chance would have it, the next week the elephant is walking thru’ the jungle and hears the screaming of a more...

Thanks to' Carol' for this large collection of Yo-Mama Jokes... Enjoy!!

Your momma is so fat when she sits in the bathtub the toilet water raises.
Yo mama so stud she thought a quarterback was a refund.
Your mum's like a bowling ball. Why? You finger her, chuck her down an alley and she comes back for more.
Your mum's so ugly, she has to do trick or treat over the phone.
Your mum's so fat, she wears a vcr as a pager.
Your mum's so ugly, your dad takes her to work with him so he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye.
Your mum's so fat, she fills the bath and then puts the water in.
Your mum's like a DIY shop, 1p a screw.
Your mum's so fat, when she went to the beach, she was the only one who got a tan.
Your mum's so ugly, she turned medusa to stone.
Your mum's so stupid, she couldn't tell which way an elevator was going if I gave her two guesses.
Your mum's so old, I told her to act her age and she died.
Your mum's like more...

I was watching a documentary on Aleut life yesterday.
The father of the family was telling his clan that the Aleuts were generally very slow to accept modern technology. In fact they suspected it a great deal.
One pregnant woman complained to the doctor that a stuck phonograph record had affected her unborn child.
"Nonsense," said the doctor, "I don't see how it could bother... could bother... could bother... could bother... could bother... could bother."