Student Jokes / Recent Jokes

In a former communist East European country, a schoolgirl came to her teacher and said very proudly:' Our cat has had a litter of six kittens and they are all communists.' The teacher was impressed with the child and invited the inspector to visit the school and see for himself how well indoctrinated her students were. A week later the inspector arrived.' Tell the gentleman about your cat,' the teacher instructed her student.
'She has had six kittens and they are all democrats,' said the girl.
'What!' exclaimed the teacher aghast and let down.' Last week you told me they are all communists. What makes you say now they are democrats?'
'Since then their eyes have opened,' replied the student.

It was the first day of school and a new student named Martinez, the son of a Mexican restaurateur, entered the fourth grade. The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history. Who said "Give me Liberty, or give me Death?" She saw a sea of blankfaces, except for Martinez, who had his hand up. "Patrick Henry, 1775." "Very good! Who said 'Government of the people, by the people, for thepeople, shall not perish from the earth'"? Again, no response except from Martinez: "Abraham Lincoln, 1863.", saidMartinez. The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed.Martinez, who is new to our country, knows more about its history thanyou do." She heard a loud whisper: "Screw the Mexicans.""Who said that?" she demanded. Martinez put his hand up. "Jim Bowie, 1836." At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke." The teacher glares and asks "All right! Now, more...

It was the first day of school and a new student named Toshiba, the son of a Japanese businessman, entered fourth grade.
After greeting the class, the teacher said, "We'll begin by reviewing some American history. Who was it that said, 'Give me Liberty, or give me death'?"
She saw only a sea of blank faces, except for that of Toshiba, who had his hand up. "That was Patrick Henry, 1775," the boy said.
"Now," said the teacher, ""who said 'Government of the people, by the people, for the people shall not perish from the earth'?"
Again, Toshiba was the only student to respond. "Abraham Lincoln, 1863," he said.
The teacher snapped at the class, "You should be ashamed. Toshiba, who is new to our country, knows more about it than you do."
Turning to write something on the blackboard, she heard a loud whisper, "Damned Japanese."
"Who said that?" demanded the teacher.
Toshiba more...

Taken from the May/June 1989 Utne Reader, which took this from
Shawn Gosieski, New Cyclist, Fall 1988. (and it has come in from
other sources -ed)
A Zen teacher saw five of his students returning from the market,
riding their bicycles. When they arrived at the monastery and had dismounted,
the teacher asked the students, "Why are you riding your bicycles?"
The first student replied, "The bicycle is carrying the sack of
potatoes. I am glad that I do not have to carry them on my back!" The
teacher praised the first student, "You are a smart boy! When you grow
old, you will not walk hunched over like I do."
The second student replied, "I love to watch the trees and fields
pass by as I roll down the path!" The teacher commended the second student,
"Your eyes are open, and you see the world."
The third student replied, "When I ride my bicycle, I am content
to chant nam myoho renge more...

A college physics professor was explaining a particularly complicated concept to his class when a pre-med student interrupted him.

"Why do we have to learn this stuff?" one young man blurted out.

"To save lives," the professor responded before continuing the lecture.

A few minutes later the student spoke up again. "So how does physics save lives?"

The professor stared at the student for a long time without saying a word. Finally the professor continued. "Physics saves lives," he said, "because it keeps certain people out of medical school."

During my surgical residency I was called out of a sound sleep to the emergency room. Unshaven and with tousled hair, I showed up with an equally unpresentable medical student. In the ER we encountered the on-call medical resident and his student, both neatly attired in clean white lab coats.

The resident said to his student, "You can always tell the surgeons by their absolute disregard for appearance."

Two evenings later, I was at a banquet when called to the ER to suture a minor laceration.

I was stitching away -- wearing a tuxedo -- when I encountered that same medical resident. He looked at me, then said to his student, "Sure is sensitive to criticism, isn't he?"

Deciding to take a day off from his important job, a young hot-shot broker went back to visit some of his professors at his old school. Entering the school, he saw a dog attacking a small child. He quickly jumped on the dog and strangled it.
The next day, the local paper reported the story with the headline "Valiant Student Saves Boy From Fearsome Dog."
The broker called the editor of the paper and strongly suggested that a correction be issued, pointing out that he was no longer a student, but a successful Wall Street broker.
The following day, the paper issued a correction, with a headline that read, "Pompous Stock Broker Kills School Mascot."