Stuffed Jokes / Recent Jokes

This list of chalkboard assignments may be used for your dog when he does not behave well. The below variations and choices will help you pick an assignment. A. Fill in the blanks1. [xxx] is not food. Spiders; bandaids; ivy and airplane plants; Xmas ornaments; the carved jack-o-lantern; plants from the aquarium; cat litter box contents; laundry detergent boxes (esp. not when full!); toothpaste (tube and all); remote controls; linoleum; eyeglasses; books; stockings; the tar shingles on my house; chicken wire; bizarre plants; disposable razors; rocks; Lego; dirty Kleenex; the baby's used diaper; Christmas stockings; soda pop cans; fiberglass insulation stuffed up the chimney; the underwear in the clothes hamper; Mommy's hair accessories; Mommy's catnip teabags; unopened honey packets; staples; Christmas stockings; credit cards, CDs, and other thin plastic things. 2. I will not lift my leg to the [xxx]. Anything growing in the vegetable garden; house corner; new boyfriend; mailman; more...

The beguiling ideas about science quoted here were gleaned from essays, exams, and classroom discussions. Most were from 5th and 6th graders. They illustrate Mark Twain's contention that the 'most interesting information comes from children, for they tell all they know and then
stop.
Question: What is one horsepower?
Answer: One horsepower is the amount of energy it takes to drag a horse 500 feet in one second.
You can listen to thunder after lightening and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don't hear it you got hit, so never mind.
Talc is found on rocks and on babies.
The law of gravity says no fair jumping up without coming back down.
When they broke open molecules, they found they were only stuffed with atoms. But when they broke open atoms, they found them stuffed with explosions.
When people run around and around in circles we say they are crazy. When planets do it we say they are orbiting.
Rainbows are just to look at, not to more...

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.
128. Scatter stuffed animals around the room. Put party hats on them. Play loud music. When your roommate walks in, turn off the music, take off the party hats, put away the stuffed animals, and say, "Well, it was fun while it lasted."

*Question: What is one horsepower?*Answer: One horsepower is the amount of energy it takes to drag a horse 500 feet in one second.*You can listen to thunder after lightening and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don't hear it you got hit, so never mind.*Talc is found on rocks and on babies.*The law of gravity says no fair jumping up without coming back down.*When they broke open molecules, they found they were only stuffed with atoms. But when theybroke open atoms, they found them stuffed with explosions.*When people run around and around in circles we say they are crazy. When planets do it we saythey are orbiting.*Rainbows are just to look at, not to really understand.*While the earth seems to be knowingly keeping its distance from the sun, it is really onlycentrificating.*Someday we may discover how to make magnets that can point in any direction.*South America has cold summers and hot winters, but somehow they still manage.*Most books now say our sun is a star. But it more...

- You can listen to thunder after lightening and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don't hear it you got hit, so never mind.- When they broke open molecules, they found they were only stuffed with atoms. But when they broke open atoms, they found them stuffed with explosions.- When people run around and around in circles we say they are crazy. When planets do it we say they are orbiting.- While the earth seems to be knowingly keeping its distance from the sun, it is really only centrificating.- Most books now say our sun is a star. But it still knows how to change back into a sun in the daytime.- A vibration is a motion that cannot make up its mind which way it wants to go.- Many dead animals of the past changed to fossils, others preferred to be oil.- Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we know they're there.- Some people can tell what time it is by looking at the sun. But I have never been able to make out the numbers.- We say the cause of more...

Roy Collette and his brother-in-law have been exchanging the same pair of pants as a Christmas present for 11 years - and each time the package gets harder to open. This year the pants came wrapped in a car mashed into a 3-foot cube.
The trousers are in the glove compartment of a 1974 Gremlin. Now Collette's plotting his revenge--if he can get them out.
It all started when Collette received a pair of moleskin trousers from his brother-in-law, Larry Kunkel of Bensenville, Ill. Kunkel's mother had given her son the britches when he was a college student.
He wore them a few times, but they froze stiff in cold weather and he didn't like them. So he gave them to Collette.
Collette, who called the moleskins "miserable", wore them three times, then wrapped them up and gave them back to Kunkel for Christmas the next year.
The friendly exchange continued routinely until Collette twisted the pants tightly, stuffed them into a 3-foot-long, 1-inch wide tube and more...

One day Bob stepped into a pawn shop. He looked around but didn`t see anything he liked. Bob was about to leave, when he noticed a stuffed squirel sitting atop a dusty old shelf. Bob said to the owner "Can I have that squirrel?"
The owner said "Yes, sure, on one condition: you must never bring it back."
So Bob took the stuffed rodent and started walking down the street. A few feet later he heard a noise. Bob turned around, and to his surprise, a real live squirrel was follwing him! Bob quickened his pace and walked a little farther, then turned back and ten squirrels were following him! Bob started jogging, but after a little while, he turned back and there was a whole sidewalk full of squirrels!
Now Bob was scared. He ran as fast as he could, and then he got to the ocean. There, at the water`s edge, he took the stuffed squirrel and flung it as far as he could into the brine. And then the whole townfull of squirrels jumped into the ocean!
Bob more...