Stupid Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two cowboys are riding along a trail in the mountains when they suddenly hear tom toms beating very close to them.' Oh! That doesn't sound good,' one says to the other. As soon as the words were spoken, an Indian jumps out from behind a tree and said,' Yeah, our regular drummer is out sick.'

The following are actual stories provided by travel agents:
I had someone ask for an aisle seat so that their hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window.
I got a call from a woman who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information then she interrupted me with, "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts." Without trying to make her look like the stupid one, I calmly explained, "Capecod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa." Her response... click.
A man called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that is not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, "Don't lie to me. I looked on the map, and Florida is a very thin state."
I got a call from a man who asked, "Is it possible to see England from more...

Two fellows are running a store and decide to have a big blow-out clearance sale. Within 3 hours, everything is sold from the store. The one fellow says to the other,' Well, what now? We've sold everything.'

The other replies,' Dont worry, there's this newfie who comes in here everyday. We'll have a few laughs on him.'

Sure enough, about 15 minutes later, newf comes walking in, hands in pockets, looking around.' Tell me lads', asks the newfie,' what have ya for sale today?'

One of the fellows says,' Well we're having a sale on arseholes!'

Newfie says,' Well ya must be doing pretty good, ya only got two left!'

Not an idiot, but plays one in his life. Not as dumb as he looks, but that would be impossible. Not digging in the same ditch with the rest of us. Not done evolving yet. Not enough brain cells for the Prozac to be effective. Not enough brains to get anywhere NEAR the gutter. Not enough change to break a dollar/pound/deutschmark/yen. Not enough sense to come in out of the rain. Not enough sense to stay out in the rain. (Like a 60's flower child.) Not firing on all four/six/eight cylinders. Not firmly seated in the socket / screwed in tight. Not hard-docked. Not inflated to 90 PSI. Not Intel Inside. (Or, given Pentium problems, just: Intel inside.) Not much to show for four billion years of evolution. Not only rude, but ugly too. Not playing with / dealing from a full deck (- not even in the game). Not running on full thrusters. Not shooting pool on a level table. Not the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree / light in the harbor. Not the full quid. Not the same since they took him off more...

Two rich men were talking over coffee one day and one of them said to the other one "Hey I tell you my driver is really stupid... you don't believe? Let me show you." and he called his driver Ah Beng over and said "Ah Beng, here is a 10 dollar note, go to the car showroom and buy me a Mercedes." to which Ah Beng replied, "Yes Sir! right away!" and rushed off to the showroom. The rich man turned to his friend and said, "See, I told you he was stupid." The other rich man said, "That's nothing, you want to see stupid, I will show you stupid." and he called his driver, Ali. "Ali, go home now and check to see if I'm at home." to which Ali said, "Yes Sir, right away Sir." and ran home. "See what I told you? He doesn't even have enough brains to know that I cannot be at home if I am here." Later on, the two drivers met on the road. Ah Beng said to Ali, "Eh, you know my boss is sooo stupid. He gave me 10 more...

A cannibal says to a doctor, "I have terrible heartburn."

"What did you eat?"

"A couple of missionaries with hooded robes." "How did you cook them?"

"Boiled."

"No wonder you have heartburn. Those aren't boilers. They're friars!"

The teacher asked that if anyone thinks they are stupid to stand up. The class is shocked when they see Nick stand up.
The teacher asks Nick "why are you standing up?" Nick replies: "I didn't want you to feel alone"